Page 22 of Ryder: Shadows and Desires
“How have you two been doing? With the gym name and stuff?” Luke quickly adds, “Shit, I’m sorry. Guess that’s not the best thing to lead with. I was just wondering…”
“Nah, it’s fine, Luke. It’s nice that you care.” I release a long exhale. “I just don’t know what to do about it, you know? I’m just trying to avoid thinking about Andrew at all costs at the moment.”
He takes a sip of his beer. “Yeah, I can understand that. Want to go sit somewhere and catch up? I swear I can come up with better questions.”
I laugh, focusing my gaze back on the food. The offer is tempting, but there’s always a part of me that wants to refrain. Is it fair to keep engaging with him when I know how he feels, while I am a heaping mess of confusion? Or should I give him another chance after all he has done for me? Luke is familiar, which is like finding something warm after the power’s been out all night.
Do I really need thrills to find a partner to settle with? What about cozy and comfortable?
“Yeah, sure, let’s go hang out,” I decide, giving him a real chance. Hedidcome over to me when I arrived, and I can use more of that in my life. But as we are about to head over to a quieter place, one of the coaches calls Luke over.
“Fucking hell, man,” Luke mutters.
He lowers his gaze to mine, rubbing the back of his neck. “Rain check? Again?”
“You’re fine, Luke. We’ll have to grab coffee or something. So they can’t interrupt,” I suggest, nudging him with my elbow.
Intrigue spreads in his eyes, telling me he won’t be forgetting that offer any time soon. “You and your coffee, woman.”
My smile infects the rest of my miserable heart, lifting my spirit. I even chuckle. “Hey, that’s Jeremy’s fault. I hadnoideathat there was more than Folgers until like a year ago.”
Luke laughs, a suggestive gleam in his eyes hinting at something deeper. My own flicker of interest snowballs into sensations of relief to think that I can forge a life with someone like him. I know he wants to settle down, and I hate coming home to an empty place.
It’s time to wake up from hibernation.
As I watch Luke walk away, I consider asking Dolores or Tiffany about what to do, and I’m almostgiddyat having someone to talk to. Luke joins a small group, Lucky among them—who waves at me—to which I return the gesture.
I check the backyard for somewhere to go… and alright, maybe I’m looking for Ryder and don’t want to admit it, but I do notice his absence in the crowd. I’m not sure what’s wrong with me, or why I torture myself like this. What do I even hope to gain?
He’s a magnet, and I’m a bunch of broken metal shards. Distance is of utmost importance.
Attempting to mingle, I find I have little relevance among them. The men are sucked into Warlord, and all I want to do is talk about anything other than the gym.
I give it ten more minutes before I feel comfortable bailing, noting again that Ryder isn’t anywhere to be seen.
My phone reveals that it’s 12:45 PM—close to scones and tea time. I let one of the other coaches know that I’m heading home.
I choose to leave through the back of the house, opting for a more discreet exit. When I round the living room, shouldering my purse, I freeze and roll my eyes at my absolute horrid luck before staring in surprise.
Ryder is leaning against the living room wall, all by himself, watchingThe Great British Baking Show.
J U L I E
* * *
Only Ryder'seyes move to address me.
“Sorry, I was just leaving.” I clear my throat and re-position my purse in a nervous fidget.
His arms are crossed, which only accentuates the strength of his forearms and biceps; even the muscles in his thick neck pronounce. He looks back at the TV. “Came in here to answer my phone. Gonna have to buy a damn phone booth at this rate to keep my calls private from you.”
Many things filter through my mind, but I also can’t dance around him like he sleeps on eggshells. He’s a grown-ass man, afighter… He can handle this.
“I give up at this point... Youdounderstand that I’m genuinely not trying to run into you, right?”
He raises a brow. “I mean, if it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck...”
“And what would Ipossiblyhave to gain by following you around?” I ask, hand on my hip. “Like seriously, this is ridiculous.”
