Page 96 of Somewhere Without You
“But you’ve been gone for years. You. . .”my voice trailed off.
Mom leaned in a little closer, her expression warm.“Sweetheart, love doesn’t vanish just because a person does.”
Tears welled up again, spilling over before I could stop them.“I didn’t get to say goodbye.”
She reached across the counter, wiping a tear from my cheek with her thumb.“You didn’t need to. I always knew.”
“I was so mad at you,”I admitted, shame burning in my chest.“When Katherine told me what you did, I didn’t understand. I still don’t.”
“Not everything is meant to be understood,” she said softly. “No matter how much we wish it were.”
I dropped my gaze.“Would you have still done it if you’d known how much Katherine and I still needed you?”
She smiled, that same quiet, knowing smile she’d given me when I’d skinned my knee or told her I wanted to live on the moon.
“Emmie,”she said gently,“I never stopped being with you. Even when you couldn’t see me.”
A peaceful silence settled between us. Then she stood and moved around the counter, kneeling beside my chair so we were eye to eye.
“You have a choice to make, baby,”she said.“You’re not meant to stay here.”
I shook my head stubbornly.“But you’re here. And Gran. I feel. . . whole.”
She tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, the way she used to when I was little.“You feel safe. That’s different.”
I looked around at the familiar comfort I’d lost so many years ago. But something inside me shifted as a quiet understanding began to take root.
“If I go,”I said,“will I lose this?”
Mom’s eyes shimmered.“Not all of it. The love always stays. But the rest. . .”Her voice caught.“Is meant to live in your heart, not your footsteps.”
I didn’t want to go. But somewhere beyond this space, someone was waiting.
I pushed my plate away, slipping my small hand into hers as we stood. Her grip was soft and warm—just like I remembered, as she led me down the familiar hallway.
At the end stood the bathroom door, closed and waiting.
“In there?”I asked, my voice heavy with fear.
She nodded.
The last time I’d passed through that door, I lost her. The thought of stepping through it again made my legs feel like lead.
Mom knelt beside me, her hands resting gently on my shoulders. Then she kissed my forehead. “Be brave,”she whispered.
I drew in a shaky breath and turned to face the door. My hand hovered over the knob, but before I could bring myself to open it, I looked back one last time.
“I love you,”I said, more steady now.
Her smile was radiant.“I love you too, Emily. Tell Katherine thank you. . . for everything.”
“I will,”I promised. Then I closed my eyes and walked through the door.
Forty Nine
Thethunderofbattlecry shattered the silence. I stepped forward into the tent, the air thick with smoke and the scent of wet earth. The ground beneath my feet squelched with mud and god only knows what else.
The interior was dim, but a single candle flickered on a writing desk at the far end, casting soft light across the canvas walls.
