Page 57 of Reckless and Rooted
“Yes.”
That’s all she says. She doesn’t give me an excuse, doesn’t backpedal or lie, just admits it.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I ask, my voice cracking, my hands shaking at my sides.
Felicity’s eyes don’t leave mine as she tries to gauge the level of anger I am at. “Because…I was scared.”
Her admission has me pausing, and I blink, confused. “Scared? Scared of me?” My hand presses to my chest.
She shakes her head quickly. “No. No, of course not.” She lets her hand drop and shakes her head, stepping away to pace. “I’ve been dealing with this on my own for months. My parents haveonly known for a short time, and outside of that, it’s only my lawyers and a couple of friends. I have to keep it under wraps because of who I am, Jax.”
“Under wraps? From me?” Hurt laces my tone, and I think she sees what she said after witnessing my expression.
“Jax…” She starts, lifting her hands to hold her head. “I didn’t know how you would take this, and selfishly, I wanted a little more time with you without the burden of a baby on top of it.”
I scoff, stepping back and resting my hands on my hips. “The fact that you don’t trust me enough to tell me, that you think any child of yours would ever be a burden to me, tells me that you don’t know me at all.”
Regret is hitting me deep in the chest, regret for how forward I’ve been, regret for not seeing it sooner, regret for not pinning her down and showing her that anything that comes from her is all the more for me to love.
Tears fill her eyes, and when I look at her, I see more than regret. I see fear, I see embarrassment, I see hesitancy.
I step back and watch her arms fall to her sides, defeat written all over her face.
“I just—” I pause, wiping a hand over my mouth to distract myself from her tears. I want so badly to march up to her, to kiss her face, to wipe away the tears that fall. “I need some time.”
Then, without waiting for another word from her, I leave.
28
felicity
My knees buckleunderneath me in my child’s half-painted nursery, and I let myself sink to the floor, regret and heartbreak taking me down with it.
I knew this might be coming, Jax finding out and then leaving when he did. I just didn’t expect it to hurt this much.
But of course, why wouldn’t it hurt? I’ve loved the man since he was a fifteen-year-old teenager. I’ve loved him even when we weren’t together. I loved him even when I was with another man, as selfish as that is.
And now, when faced with the consequences of my own actions, I was feeling defeated and heartbroken.
Jax’s face when I admitted the truth flashes through my mind over and over again. The devastation, the heartbreak, the hurt.
I am embarrassed that he found out from someone else. I briefly wonder who told him, but can’t find it in me to care becauseIshould have told him. A month ago, when he was starting to take dating seriously, when he asked me to dinner, I should have made it clear that I was a package deal.
No. This isn’t on whoever kept my secret before. This is on me.
I hold my knees to my chest as far as they’ll go and cocoon my baby in with me, protecting her from the world outside. I need to do better. For her. Or him. I need to make better choices. I need to be more honest.
Even if the world judges me, even if the truths and lies that will ultimately come out about my lifestyle will probably hurt my feelings.
Honesty is the best policy.My mom’s voice echoes in my head, and for once, I agree with her.
I lift myself up off the floor, moving to pick up a paintbrush when I hear footsteps coming down the hall again, and then Jax is standing there, staring at me like a raging bull and barreling toward me.
I brace myself when his hands cup the sides of my head, and he crushes his lips against my own, stealing my breath and my moans as I work to gather ground.
My hands find his forearms, not to push him away, but to desperately hold him to me, hoping that this is his way of saying we were okay, and praying I am right.
Our kisses slow. The heat between us could burn my clothes right off, but after another chaste kiss, he says, “Open your eyes.”
