Page 76 of Reckless and Rooted
“Well, look,” I say, wishing I could reach him physically so I could comfort him. “Everything will be okay. We’ll be on the lookout for him if he comes around. We should inform Ezra and his team too.”
Jax nods his head, agreeing without saying so. “You’re not pissed?”
“Of course I am,” I say, resting back against the bed again and finding the bliss that we had before we started this conversation. “I’m pissed any father would do that to their son, let alone you.”
“You are too fucking good for me, City Girl.” He stands then, leaning over and kissing me. I let him, taking in the moment and letting myself sink into it. “You should rest. You’ve gotta be exhausted from all the visitors.”
I smile, grateful for the amazing friends and family we have. “I am.”
A couple of hours after Lawson had been born, our families had come in to meet him in waves. Starting with our parents, both my mom and Didi happily taking turns doting over me and Lawson, my dad shaking Jax’s hand and patting him on the back.
It was nice to see them all getting along and to be able to bring my son into a family that will all do everything in their power to protect him.
My manager had even come in with Phil and Ezra, congratulating me and then reminding me that there is work to be done once I was up for it. Jax practically growled at her, stating that work would be the last thing on my mind until I said I was ready. Ezra and Phil poorly hid smiles at the comment.
Jax’s brothers and their significant others came in to visit, each holding Lawson for a short minute before the round of congrats went around. Then Mitch and Juniper. Mitch wouldn’t hold the baby, but he did smile and nod at me before congratulating me. So I call that a win. Dani and CT sent their best but promised to come see us once everyone was home and feeling up to it.
Erin was the last to visit and had visibly calmed herself down enough to hold the baby. “Hi, I’m your Aunt Erin. I’ll be the one that spoils you rotten when you visit LA.”
Erin was on the next flight out, stating that babies were great in short spurts, and she would be more in the way than helpful. I loved her, but she wasn’t wrong.
Jax seems more than happy to be taking a couple of weeks off of work to help me with Lawson, and I rather it be just us for as much time as possible anyway.
The three of us are all I need.
Lawson is a grumpy baby, and I feel like my eyeballs are going to fall out of my head.
No one prepared me for this. The exhaustion, the heartache, the busy work that comes with being a mother. When I wasn’t holding Law—which was most of the time—I was pumping or washing bottles or doing laundry or doing dishes.
We’ve been home for three weeks, and this is my first week all on my own, with help from my mom after school when she can, and Didi when she isn’t working at the salon. But asking for help? Lord knows I am bad at that.
I should be able to do this on my own. I am a strong, grown woman who is more than capable of taking care of my son.
It’s nearly five when his screams pick up, and nothing I can do seems to be helping him. He won’t nurse, take a bottle or a nap, and rocking him does nothing.
The door to the front of the house opens, my security alarm letting me know that Jax is home from the ranch. “Baby?”
I walk down the hallway, Lawson still crying, and find Jax there, kicking off his boots in the front entry.
He takes one look at me, and sympathy crosses his expression. “Rough day?”
I feel tears well in my eyes, and I can’t even explain why it is happening, but the moment he comes near me, I burst into tears, mine matching my sons.
“Oh boy, we’ve got some big feelings tonight, huh?” He takes Lawson from me without asking and wraps his other arm around my shoulders, pulling me close and kissing my forehead while I try to get my emotions under control.
“I don’t know what’s wrong, Jax. Everything I try, he doesn’t want, and I feel like he could really use a nap.”
He pulls back, rocking Law in his other arm and tilting my chin up with his fingers. “I think Mama could use some rest too, huh?”
I nod my head and place my hands on my hips. My oversized shirt and shorts are stained with God knows what, and my hair is thrown up into a messy bun that is unintentional. A.k.a., not cute.
“But I can’t when I know he’s struggling,” I reply, a bursting feeling of guilt in my chest.
“He needs you to rest, City. I’ve got him.” He pulls me in again, maybe knowing without me having to say it that I need affection and physical contact. Something about it helps me pull myself together. “Why don’t you go take a hot shower and get a nap?”
“Are you saying I stink?” I mumble the question, meaning it as a joke.
“You’re beautiful,” he replies, leaning down to press a kiss to my lips before he turns me around and shoves me in the direction of our bedroom.
