Page 28 of Reckless and Rooted
“I shouldn’t have spoken to you that way back at the house.”Your house, I want to say, but the words won’t come. “I was letting my emotions get the best of me, and I took it out on you.”
Her eyes finally meet mine, and for a few seconds, she takes me in, watching me unashamedly. “I deserve the harsh words, Jax.”
“No, you don’t.” I insist, feeling like a real piece of shit for letting her think that.
“I’m the one who left.” She nods her head, resigned that her station in my life is as my enemy, as if my saying what I did is normal and okay.
When it really fucking isn’t.
“That doesn’t excuse my poor behavior,” I say, leaning against a post. “We were eighteen, City Girl. I shouldn’t have held on to hating the fact that you got out there and chased your dream.”
“It’s fine?—”
“No,” I state, putting a firm wall behind the words and staring into her eyes. A hint of surprise was creeping onto her features, and I was glad to see her feelsomethingtoward me.
“Fine,” she says again, and I open my mouth to speak when a smile curves her lip. “You’re right. You were an asshole.”
I laugh and shake my head, glad to hear her honesty. This is the City Girl I knew.
We fall into a comfortable silence, me not knowing what to say, and judging by the look on her face, she was tired and ready for the night to end.
I just had one question.
Clearing my throat, I wait until her eyes are on me again before I ask, “Did you come back?”
Surprise laces her eyes, and she opens her mouth to speak before clamping it shut.
I step toward the couch, my heart pounding as I sit, facing her, needing her full attention on me when I get her to admit it. “Did you come back to Acton that summer?”
Felicity’s green eyes search my face. Wonder at how I knew is written there, and she gives a small shrug. “Regret is a fickle thing, huh?”
“Regret?” I ask, my voice hoarse as I try to make sense of any of this. As far as I had known, up until tonight, that is, she left me here at the end of our senior year, right after we graduated, went to Hollywood, and never came home.
When she saw her folks, it was because they went to her.
Her eyes become glossy, and I have to tighten my muscles to hold myself back from taking her into my arms and holding her tight. It’s been so long since I’ve felt her body against mine, and I crave it more than I could ever admit.
“I…” She pauses, licking her lips before continuing. “After I left and got to Hollywood, I thought that I would be able to pick up work and move away from everything I ever knew. I thought that I could handle being away from everyone, from you. I thought I was doing the right thing, you know, chasing my dream.” She shakes her head, her blonde hair falling around her. “I knew that if I stayed, I’d never leave.”
“But you did leave,” I state the obvious, my brain trying to find a way to understand this.
“I did.” A tear slips over her cheek, and I reach forward without thinking, wiping it away. “I left, but I couldn’t stomach it and came back after a few weeks.”
My stomach caves in on itself, my heart rate ticking up at an alarming pace, and I have to sit back to regain control of myself. “You came back.”
She nods, wiping her eyes. “I did. I thought if I begged and pleaded that you might forgive me for what I did, that you might…” She trails off, not finishing her sentence. “But you were gone.” She nods, a forced smile on her face. “You changed your number, which was, of course, fine, and went off to rodeo with Mitch.”
“I was gone,” I repeat, my monotone voice sounding unnatural to my own ears. “I left.”
“I know.” She sighs, and her hand tightens on the water bottle that is in her grip. “It’s fine. It was all my fault. I left and didn’t contact you. I went off to live my life and thought I could selfishly get back to you and start back up again.”
My heart pounds, and I keep my gaze intently on hers. “You wanted me back?” My voice cracks slightly, and I have never felt so out of control with my emotions.
“Of course, Jax. I loved you.” She gives a sad little laugh, her eyes meeting mine again. “You were my high school sweetheart, the only boy I ever loved, and you loved me for me. I was a fool to throw that away.”
I don’t know what to say to that. All I want to do is lean forward, take her lips with my own, and show her how much I haven’t stopped loving her.
The thought gives me pause. Actually, the thought makes my heart stop in my chest for a moment before starting back up again.Never stopped loving her.The thought repeats itself overand over again until I open my mouth to tell her, to spill the truth, to be completely fucking vulnerable, knowing she has the power to hurt me.
