Page 59 of The Ring Thief
His eyes swing back to me, mouth pressed together thinly. “Did I know my father is a cold-blooded”—he looks around, carefully lowering his voice to a hissed whisper—“murderer? No. Am I surprised?” A small huff escapes his nose. “Also no.” He eyes me cautiously. “How do you feel about it all? I knew you’d find out, but I wasn’t sure whether Grant would tell you or someone else. I was worried.”
I roll my lips inward, considering. “I’m grieving, I think. For something I lost, but never really had. I’m trying to understand her, and what her life must’ve been like to drive her to make the choices she did.” I shake my head, confessing, “And I’m angry. So angry.” I sigh, my shoulders lifting on the breath. “I’m furious with her, but I’m also mad at my dad for keeping it all from me. I’m mad at your dad.” A pause. “I’m mad at you, too.”
“I know,” he murmurs, leaning across the table, reaching for myhand. I let him, my fingers limp in his hold. “I get it, Lily. It’s a lot. I just want you to know that I’m learning from my mistakes. Or I’m trying to.” He scrunches his nose up, looking almost childlike in his aggravation. “I’m a flawed man, as my brother and sister like to point out. They both let me know in no uncertain terms how much I’ve fucked up.” He meets my eye, his expression grave. “They’re mad at me, too.”
I lift my eyebrows. “Why?”
He lets me go, and I stifle the urge to grab his hand back, busying myself with the muffin. “Apparently, I have a slight tendency to be overprotective.” I mouth the wordslightand he shoots me a grumpy look, repeating firmly, “Slight. However, in my need to protect those around me, I tend to shut them out, not giving them a chance to help.”
I frown. “I thought Darcy and Nolan knew about me, and about our relationship.”
He lifts one shoulder. “Only after overhearing me argue with Donald about it.” He finishes his coffee, setting the mug down.
“They didn’t know?—”
“About any of it. Not about Gloria or what Donald was doing at Nexus. They were aware he treated me differently to them, but they just put it down to him training me to take over for him, not that he was a remorseless monster.”
I wished that eased the sting in my chest, but even if they didn’t know from the start, they still knew in the end and it made them complicit in the lies. I eat another bite of muffin, carefully avoiding his eyes.
“Have you seen him? Donald?”
“No, not since they denied him bail.” He drops his chin. “Mom wants me to go see him. She thinks that if we all just sat down and talked it out, everything would be fine. I think—” He cuts himself off, a scowl twisting his mouth. “She either truly thinks he didn’t do it or she’s pretending like hell, even with all the evidence staring her right in the face.”
“I can’t imagine what it would be like to wake up one day and find out your husband killed someone. It was bad enough—” I bite the words off, but pain flashes through his eyes anyway. His mouthtightens and he looks away, a mask coming down over his face, hiding his inner thoughts.
“Her entire life has been turned upside down,” he concedes quietly. “It was bad enough when the world thought he was just a crook, but knowing he was actually involved in taking someone’s life? She’s burying her head in the sand, but we’re protecting her as best as we can.”
Talking about his mother reminds me, “Why did she think we were still together?”
I watch him, sipping at my drink, waiting him out. He doesn’t answer for so long that I think he’s not going to, but then he says, “Telling her would’ve made it true, and I wasn’t ready for it to be real.”
“Makes sense, I guess.”
“Lily—”
“For the past six weeks,” I interrupt, the words bubbling out of me in a rush. “I’ve felt like I’ve been caught in a tornado, the world spinning by me so quickly that I can’t do anything. I don’t know if I’m up or down, or where anything is. Nothing makes sense, and all I can do is try to get out of the way of flying debris and hope I don’t crash to the ground.” His eyes are watchful, but he doesn’t try to say anything, understanding that I need to get this out.
“I wanted—” I frown down at the table, fingers fidgeting with a napkin. “I appreciated you staying away these last couple of weeks. It helped me to sort everything out in my head.”
“That sounds ominous,” he murmurs. “For me, at least.”
“Everything is still so fresh,” I admit, “but I’ve been thinking about the future and what I want it to look like…And who I want to be in it. I’ll be honest, I’ve been wondering whether it would be easier just to start completely fresh.” I catch his flinch, but keep going, forcing the words out. “I knew I’d heal and then I could find someone new. Someone I didn’t have history with. Someone I could trust. There’s still so much pain here,”—I gesture between us—“and the idea of revisiting, of hashing it all out with you…” I lift my eyes to his, but I can’t read him, the mask is still firmly in place, not giving anything away. “It seems insurmountable,” I whisper, before confessing brokenly, “But it doesn’t matter, because you’re still here.” I touch my hand to my chest. “You’re embedded. I wanted to cut you out, Declan. I won’t lie about that, but… I don’t think I can.”
There’s a spark of hope, but he still just waits. I lick my bottom lip and he tracks the movement, fingers curling into a loose fist on the tabletop. I lift my mug to my mouth, hiding the tremble of my mouth at his reaction. It’s a heady feeling, knowing I still have so much power over him. And it’s reassuring, a booming reminder that this thing between us isn’t one-sided.
It was a reminder I hadn’t realized I needed.
“What are you saying, Lily?” he rasps out. “I need you to be clear with me. Spell it out, so I don’t misunderstand.”
I finish my coffee, and fold my arms, resting them on the table. “We can’t go back to the way it was before. Something broke between us when you lied, and it shattered beyond repair when I found out. I understand things changed,” I rush to add when he goes to speak. “But you didn’t trust me and now… Now I can’t trust you.”
He gives a slow nod, his mouth set grimly. “I’d do it all differently if I could.”
That surprises me, for some reason. “Would you?”
“Lily,” he says earnestly, “I’d do everything differently.”
I take that, turning it over and over in my mind, before asking, “Why was Silvia so involved? Why would she think it was okay to call you and demand answers about your plans? She wasn’t part of Nexus or what happened with Donald and my mother, so I don’t buy that she had any stake in what was happening.”
