Page 91 of Space Balls: Houston, We Have Liftoff
“So itdoeshave to do with you.”
I run a hand through my hair, trying to figure out what to say.
“What exactly did you do to the girl who can usually steamroll her way through life’s problems using just the power of glitter that upset her enough to cancel a party?”
“Hey.” I stand, poking my finger in his chest. “Don’t talk about her like that. Don’t underestimate Rose just because she’s fun to be around.” I think of the devastated expression she made when I, like an idiot, did just that. “She’s more than a good time. She works hard at everything she does, and shecares. She cares deeply.”
Ian lifts his hands in surrender. “Yes, I do know that, actually.”
I lower the finger digging into his sternum. “Oh, ah, good.”
“I was just making sureyoudid.” He rubs his chest. “And I think I can say with certainty that you do.”
“Sorry about that,” I mumble, nodding at his chest but too disgruntled over him testing me to sound sincere.
“Yeah, yeah. I know.” He waves away my apology. “Come on.” He taps the hard plastic of the cubicle wall frame. “If we’re going to get any more awkward, we might as well do it over drinks.”
Ten minutes later,over a pint of True Anomaly at Boondoggles Pub, I tell Ian how Rose ended things.
“Wait.” Ian looks at me like I just confessed I think the Earth is flat. “You’re telling me thatafteryou told Rose that the very thought of her having your baby scared you so much that you scheduled a vasectomy you asked her to keep banging you until she finds someone she wants to have kids with?”
I shift in my seat, thankful my Native American heritage keeps me from blushing. “Yeah, I know. It wasn’t my finest hour.” I take another sip. “But I’d like to think it didn’t sound that bad when I said it.”
Ian whistles low. “Man, no matter how you say it, it sounds bad.”
I drop my head in my hands. “Fuck, I know.”
“So is that why she ended things?”
“Maybe.”
“Maybe? Don’t tell me there’s more?”
“She may have told me she loves me.”
“And…”
“And I may have not believed her.”
Ian rubs his eyes, looking dumbfounded. “I guess now it makes sense that Rose is MIA. The guy she loves just sucker punched her in the heart.”
I thought I knew, but to hear someone else say it pinches at my heart even more. “I was just… shocked.”
“Why?” Ian frowns. “Everyone else knows.”
I tighten my grip on the pint glass, once again angry at myself for being so emotionally blind.
“No kids is a pretty big deal breaker for any relationship, though.” He takes a sip of his beer as he thinks that over. “Are yousurethat’s what you want?”
I remember my dad’s mug. “It’s the right thing to do.”
Ian lowers his beer to the table with a thunk. “How is not having kids the right thing to do?”
“It’s not just about not having kids. It’s about not being irresponsible by loving people you could end up leaving.” Staring into my glass, I see my eyes reflecting in the amber liquid. “I’m an astronaut. It’s dangerous. It wouldn’t be right if something happened to me and I left behind people who loved me.” As I put into words the rationale I’ve been so certain of for years, I expect Ian, another rational thinking engineer, to see the logic behind it.
Instead, when I look up, his expression is incredulous. “But there are a lot of astronauts with families. In fact, most astronauts have kids.” He frowns harder. “Isn’t there some statistic about driving a car being more dangerous than space flight?”
“Statistics can be skewed.”
