Page 24 of Mr Collins in Love
It was the time of year when the dumbledores were dying when Lady Catherine raised again the subject of my marriage.I had the corpse of a bee in my pocket, wrapped in my handkerchief.I had picked it up on the walk to Rosings as it was a particularly large and beautiful specimen, and I wanted to show it to Jem as he had a particular fondness for the creatures.I was anxious not to squash it, nor to break its gossamer wings, and sat very carefully.
Although it had been cold overnight, it was stuffy in the drawing room and Lady Catherine was wielding a fan.I rather wished I had a fan myself, but such articles were not considered proper for gentlemen.
“Well, Mr Collins, and have you found a suitable young gentlewoman to marry?”She did not wait for my answer, but went on, fanning herself crossly.“You must make your proposal, sir, and stop this shilly-shallying.I declare, I do not know what is the matter with young men nowadays.They delay and delay as if the rest of us had nothing better to do.”
Her mouth was pursed with discontent and her gaze rested upon Miss de Bourgh as she spoke, from which I surmised that a gentleman had been expected to make a proposal to that lady, but had not.
I was annoyed with myself for ignoring Lady Catherine’s instructions, and, moreover, felt as if I had been caught out in some lie.I had been so taken up with Jem and with my duties that I had allowed myself to keep putting off this task for which I had such little heart.
“Indeed,” I said apologetically, “It is not that I delay, Ma’am, for I would not delay my own happiness any more than I would risk your disapprobation.It is more that I have not, as yet, managed to locate a young lady who is both suitable and willing.”
“Not located one?This is not to be borne!Why, there are fifty suitable girls in Hunsford alone.”
There were around three-hundred-and-forty-eight people in the parish all told, though as they kept dying and being born and moving away and returning, it was difficult to be exact.However, a lot were men, and many were children or old people, or were married already.And while there were quite a lot of young unmarried females, many were unsuitable as potential wives for me, being from the lower orders.By my estimation there were around a dozen eligible young ladies in Hunsford, and yet Lady Catherine’s estimation of fifty was so much higher that perhaps this was one of those situations in which I was not in possession of all the facts.If only I had not delayed in creating my lists of ladies ‘Suitable’, ‘Unsuitable’ and ‘Neither Suitable Nor Unsuitable’, I would know for a fact how many marriageable gentlewomen resided in the parish and would be able to proceed with the discussion in a sensible manner.
“I am displeased, Mr Collins.”She snapped her fan closed.“You had but one simple task—and one moreover which will add greatly to your felicity and be of benefit to the parish—and yet you have signally failed to complete it.You could have been married for months by now.”
I agreed, and apologised, and humbly submitted that I had been doing my best to discover a suitable young woman.Lady Catherine tutted, and began to embroider upon the subject of her displeasure, continuing in this vein for several minutes.Clearly, this was no passing irritation, but a strong and lasting vexation.
I was sweating and my thoughts kept returning to the bee in my pocket, the delicate wings and the pleasing rotundness of its furred abdomen.I longed to scurry from the room and run to Jem and show it to him.Of course, I recognised the desire as a desperate longing for distraction from a task both dangerous and difficult: to wit, I must soothe her temper and give her hope that all should soon be as she wished it.
Presently, she paused, and feeling I must give her some optimism in the matter, I said, “Although, madam, as you so rightly point out, I have failed thus far in my mission, I do have some hope that I may soon add very greatly to my happiness.”
Ladies do not snort, of course, but she made a sound that expressed some frustration, along with not a little disbelief.“Well?Explain yourself, sir.Who is she?”
I am no good at inventing on the spur of the moment and began to regret my last words.I attempted to call upon Trafford, but he could not help me here, for he would never have found himself in such a predicament and would have been married months ago.Yet I must say something.I opened my mouth.It would not have surprised me had found no words at all.
“Er…yes…yes…” I found myself saying.“Er…as your ladyship may remember, I am to inherit a small estate in Hertfordshire one day…er…that is, upon the death of one Mr Bennet, who was a relation of my father, may he rest in peace.”
Even I had to admit that the words possessed something of the quality of the non sequitur.The thought had sprung to mind because Hertfordshire was approximately where I wished to be at that very moment.Also, perhaps, because some smaller, bolder part of me wished to remind her that while she had bestowed her beneficence on a mere curate with no connections and therefore was owed all my obedience and duty, had shenotbestowed it, I would not always have remained in penury.
She frowned.“Of course I recall, for I have an excellent memory and am not given to forgetting matters whether they are great or trivial.What of it?Has the gentleman died?”
“No, no, Ma’am.”I was glad to be able to answer a question without hesitation or prevarication.“I have received no information to suggest that such an unhappy event has taken place, and indeed I hope he may continue in good health for many a year.”
“Well?What of him?Does he have a daughter?”
A flash of inspiration lit my mind, so bright I felt she must have seen it.
“Yes, yes, he does,” I said, smiling a little with relief.“Indeed, while he has no sons, I understand that he has been blessed with several daughters.Four, certainly, and perhaps as many as five or six.And while I am not so privileged as to be familiar with their current matrimonial prospects, I do believe that with such a quantity of young ladies, there must be one who may be suitable to hear my addresses.For they must be gentlewomen surely?”Lady Catherine unbent sufficiently to bestow upon me a small nod, and, warming to my work, I went on.“And, moreover, gentlewomen, who, owing to their circumstances, have not been brought up too high but who will be able to make a small income go a good way.So, I am resolved to choose a wife from among them, so that on the death of their esteemed father the loss to them might be as little as possible when that melancholy event takes place.”
Her brows lifted in surprise, but she nodded.“Your intention does you credit.Indeed, I wish all young men were as thoughtful when it came to entails.So, you are to visit Hertfordshire.”
“I hope so, Ma’am.”
“You hope so?”She snapped.“Why do you not go at once?”
“I have written to Mr Bennet.”I blushed at the lie, though, of course, it would not be a lie a couple of hours hence, for I would write the letter this very evening and post it tomorrow.“I have proposed a visit, but good manners dictate that I may not arrive unannounced or uninvited, and so I am even now awaiting his response, which I sincerely hope may be favourable.”
“I see.”
“Of course, Ma’am, once I have received word from him, I may need to beg your ladyship’s pardon as I must then quit Kent for a few days to travel and?—”
“Two weeks, Mr Collins.”
“I…”
“Two weeks is the correct length of time for you to stay with this Mr Bennet.”She flicked her fan open again.“No more and no less.I hope that is what you have proposed in your letter?”
