Page 11 of Mr Collins in Love
I turned from the casement, removed my nightshirt, and dressed.I was as silent as I knew how and had to remind myself several times that this was my house and I the master here.I could do as I liked.The stairs creaked so much I was sure Mrs Fowke and Milly would appear in their nightgowns and demand to know what was to do, but no one came.
I unbarred the front door and stepped out.The air was fresh, though the sun-warmed stone of the house was radiating heat.I took the path to the stables, towards the scent of hay and horse.
“Jem?”I whispered.“Jem.”
He answered instantly.“Aye?Something amiss?”
Rustlings came from within and his head and shoulders appeared over the half-door.
“Nothing’s wrong,” I said.“I…merely wished to…to make sure you are warm enough and have everything you need.And now I have woken you.”
“No, no, I was awake.”
“Well, are you warm enough?”
“Yes, thank you, sir.”
“Good, good.I’ll go.You must be tired, having come all the way from Hastings.”I turned away.
“Wait.A…a moment of your time, sir, if you please.Because I cannot sleep and that’s the truth.”
I turned back, pleased to continue my excursion a little longer.“Are you not tired, Jem?”
“I am that fagged, sir.I have walked a long way.”
“I know.From Hastings, I think?”
“Well…that is what I wanted to tell you.”
“Yes?”
“I…I didn’t come from Hastings.Nor from Marshing, neither.”
“Er…no?But you said?—”
“I come from Sheerness.”
I frowned in the dark.Sheerness was to the north-east, on the Thames, not far from Rochester and almost completely in the other direction.“What were you doing there, Jem?I thought you said the tannery was near Hastings?”
“I did, sir, but the fact is…well…I lied.I never was in no tannery.And I didn’t ought to tell you an untruth.Because you have always been good to me and now I cannot sleep until I have set things right and told you the truth.”He lowered his voice.“About my situation.And what I have done.”
The shadows and the moonlight seemed suddenly sinister and my blood ran cold.“Your situation?Oh, Jem, what have you done?”
“Can I tell you my story first, sir?And then I hope you will understand and will let me stay.”
“Tell me.”My voice was harsh because I was afraid for both of us.
“I will sit down, if you don’t mind, sir, for it is quite a tale.We could both sit on the bench outside.”
I agreed to this and we sat side by side, our backs warmed by the sun that lingered still in the stable wall, though nothing could warm the chill that now clutched at my heart.
“You know I ran away to sea,” he said.
“Yes, of course.”
“Aye, well, it weren’t no life.Was cruel hard and captain didn’t like me and I never did get used to all that water.Missed the fields, see?And the woods.Even missed digging potatoes.Used to dream about grass beneath my feet.”
“Could you not leave?”
