Page 22 of Between the Shady Groves
“Yeah. I guess if he were a preacher… Although, I suppose preachers could probably get obsessed by work and put their family in second place. It’s not something that preachers would be immune to, I suppose.”
“I think you’re right. Preachers can be just as human as anyone else. And it’s hard for a preacher to put his family first, because he has a whole congregation of people who are expecting him to drop everything when they need him, who have hired him to be there when they need him. His wife doesn’t pay him.”
“That’s a good point.” Lauren had never really thought about it that way.
“Oh yeah, it could be worse.”
“I know. He could be out playing, or spending money, or addicted to porn, I guess, rather than working hard. Still, you’re right. I didn’t feel special. I didn’t feel important. I felt like everything and everyone was more important than me, and it would take an act of God to get him away from work and to want to spend time with me.” She lifted a hand and laughed without humor. “It actually did. I had to leave him before he actually took time off work to spend time with me. That’s pathetic.”
Skyler nodded as she listened. “That’s hard. Why couldn’t he have given you his time before? If he was going to take off work, why couldn’t he have done it just to keep your marriage healthy? Why did he have to wait until it was on life support before he came, and… Was he apologetic?”
“He claims he has no idea what the problem is. He wanted me to talk to him. To tell him what was wrong. I mean, how could he not know?” She shook her head. “He just acted so dumb. And he is a smart man. I mean, he’s really smart. And yet, he just doesn’t know anything important.”
“Anything about relationships. Maybe that’s why God matchedmen up with women. Because men have no clue about relationships, and they have a tendency to be smart about things that women, in general, aren’t as good at.”
“Yeah. He came in and criticized the fact that I didn’t have a security system on my store. Like I have money for that.” She rolled her eyes. “He knows how much they cost. He sells them and installs them for a living.”
“No wonder he was worried about you. But…that says he cares, doesn’t it?”
“I guess it does. I suppose. But he didn’t take time for me. That says more than anything that he doesn’t care.”
“Sounds to me like your love language is quality time.”
“I remember reading that book, but I don’t remember what my language was, or his either, for that matter.”
“I guess it doesn’t really matter, except…sometimes when our love language is one thing, we miss someone talking to us in another language.”
“What do you mean? They’re all English.”
“Or whatever language you’re using. It’s not a matter of a cultural language, it’s… Someone who has a love language of quality time might not see the acts of service that her partner is doing for her because that’s not her love language.”
Lauren was quiet for a moment. That made complete and total sense and was almost like a part of the picture had come into sharp focus all of a sudden. Cannon maybe didn’t spend time with her, not because he didn’t love her, but because that didn’t say “I love you” to him. To him, acts of service said “I love you,” so he worked hard on his business to provide for her and made sure that their apartment was fixed up, and the oil changed in her car, and that type of thing.
She supposed if she thought about it, she could think of a hundred little things that he had done that, while she had appreciated them, she hadn’t really thought they said “I love you.”
“I think I see what you’re saying,” she said, though she really didn’t want to. She wanted everything to be his fault. If she were being honest, she wanted him to be the bad guy. Maybe her opinion was biased and she needed someone who could see areas where she could do better.
She took a breath. She didn’t really want to see where she could do better. She wanted her husband to change, not her. After all, he was the one who had neglected her and hadn’t given her the support and care that she needed.
But he was here, in Raspberry Ridge, taking off work and apparently coming back tomorrow to talk to her, since she wouldn’t do it today. She honestly thought if she’d refused to talk, he’d get in his truck and drive back to Cincinnati. After all, how was his business surviving without him?
Twelve
She swallowed and then looked carefully at Skyler. “Is there something I’m missing?” She blew out a breath and then said, “I’m not sure I can take a hard critique, but…other than the love languages, which you have a point on, I wondered if maybe there’s more?”
It was hard to say that. She wanted to be just fine and make it so that if there was going to be any kind of reconciliation, she could make Cannon do it all.
“Well, I see that you have excellent points. Your husband should pay attention to you. He should note that when hard things happen to you, you need him to come and just put his arm around you and hold you and help you, even if it takes days or weeks or months for you to feel better. He can’t just go work and expect you to…take care of yourself. Ideally. But… I guess I think about it like this. God tells us that He will give us everything we need. So for me to say that I need my husband to do this or I need my husband to do that for me, it can’t be true, right? If God promises to supply all of our needs, and that ‘need’ of mine isn’t being met, then it must not be a need, right?”
Ouch. And ouch again. Her headache was gone, but she just felt like she’d gotten her toe stomped on. Because she had been saying all along that her husband wasn’t meeting her needs. But she could hardly arguewith that statement, taken straight from the Bible. The Bible did clearly say that God would supply all of our needs. Why was she expecting her husband to do it?
Because that’s what marriage was. It was when a man and woman got together, and the woman helped the man, and the man was there when the woman needed him.
Wasn’t she there when Cannon needed her?
She felt like she was, but maybe he didn’t think she was. Or maybe he was fine with it. And didn’t understand why she wasn’t fine too. Because his needs weren’t that great. She tried to make sure there was food on the table when he got home from work, and she kept his house clean and helped him in his business if he needed it.
“All right. I’ll give you that point. I can’t think of a verse in the Bible to counter what you said. God does promise to supply all of our needs. Maybe I was depending a little too hard on my husband, expecting him to do things that he wasn’t necessarily supposed to do. But was it too much for me to expect him to spend some time with me? To put his wife ahead of his business, even once in a while? Or to put his arm around me and console me in my grief?”
