Page 46 of Between the Shady Groves
“So basically we retire?” she asked, wrinkling up her nose.
“Sure. Why not?”
“I don’t know. We’re kind of young.”
“We could do something. I don’t know, have a little business on the side along with the bakery. Something online maybe, or I could put in security systems up here, just not on the biggest scale. I don’t think I have any interest in trying to build another company.” It had been a lot of work. He didn’t want to get sucked into it again.
“I’m happy to hear that, although I am proud of you for building something out of nothing. I do want you to know that.”
“You made a lot of sacrifices in order for me to do that.” Maybe it was just getting away from the business finally, but he feltcompletely detached from it, and he really wouldn’t care if someone made an offer tomorrow. He didn’t even think he’d feel bad when he signed the papers.
“I want to talk about kids.” That was something that was important to her, and he’d been giving it a lot of thought.
“Okay,” she said carefully. As though she knew that was a bit of a minefield for both of them.
“I know you talked about the miscarriages and how much they hurt. And we never really talked any more about that. Do you…want to look into medical reasons why we might not be able to have a full-term child? Or would you rather look into adoption? Or something else?”
“Well. I don’t know. I…guess I hadn’t given it any more thought.”
“Well, we’re not getting any younger. And that was the other thing I was thinking. I sell the business, and we’ll have time to be parents. Now, we’ll have to be careful with our money, of course, but depending on how much I get for it, we could probably do whatever you wanted to. I don’t think cost would be a factor.”
“I heard that adoption can be an expensive option.”
“It can be. That’s what I’m saying. We’ll have the funds.”
“Unless of course we foster kids and then adopt them.”
“You wouldn’t want a baby?” he asked carefully. That had seemed to be her dream.
“I guess I do, but…I want children more. You know? Like we saw the kids running around in Skyler and Homer’s yard. It was just so much fun. It felt like an old-fashioned family where everyone is just together, and…I really want that.”
He had to admit he’d felt the pull too when they had been there. “I can understand that. It just feels old-fashioned and…safe in some way.”
“Yeah. When a mom and dad create a haven for their children to grow up in. I mean, I know it’s not going to be all roses and bluebells, but I do think it would be nice.”
“I understand what you’re saying. That’s kind of why we’re here, other than to bring glory to God, to fill the earth and subdue it. That is our command.”
“Yeah.” She spoke softly and a little bit dreamy. He wished he could give her a healthy baby. He really did.
“I think part of the reason that I had such a hard time being sympathetic about the miscarriages was because I really wanted to be able to give you a healthy baby, and I felt like it was some kind of failure on my part that we couldn’t do it. It was something I couldn’t control. And I don’t like dealing with things that I can’t fix on my own, you know?”
“I do know. It’s like the security system. You want to get in there and do something. Not stand around and talk about it.”
“Right. I mean, I love talking about ideas, but when there’s a problem, I don’t want to just talk—especially a problem like that, where I know that I don’t have the ability to stop the miscarriage or to stop your tears or your pain.”
“Thanks for saying that. It does make it better. It helps me to be a little bit more understanding of why you weren’t around, because I really had a hard time wondering why you weren’t more upset and why you weren’t more concerned about me.”
“Yeah I just did the easy thing. I made sure you were okay, and then I went to work. The harder thing was to stay and do what wasn’t comfortable, which was to hold you, even while I felt helpless and frustrated.”
“It helps that I know that that’s how you felt. I don’t like the idea that you don’t feel good about it.”
“I don’t think anyone feels good about that. You were in pain and crying, I was frustrated and helpless. We just dealt with it in different ways, I guess. Or it brought out different feelings in us.”
“I see what you’re saying.”
They had been walking for a while, and she suggested that they turn around.
He agreed, and they walked slowly back down the beach.
