Page 42 of Between the Shady Groves
“No. Mom was down in the bakery, and it was a slow day. So she didn’t need my help. And Yolanda came in through the back. I’m not sure Mom even saw her come or go.”
“That explains it. You are the only one who knew.”
“I know. And I feel so guilty. I could have just let her stay. I could have put my book aside, shared my kittens, and Yolanda would still be with us.”
“Do you think so?” Claire asked, her head tilted.
“Yeah. I’m sure of it,” Lauren said, seeing the doubt on her face. “You’re not?”
“I guess I just feel like if it’s God’s will, it will happen. But if it’s not God’s time, then it’s not going to happen. So, if He was ready for Yolanda to go home, it didn’t matter what you said or did, she was going home when He wanted her to.”
Lauren had never thought about it that way before. Maybe that was part of the reason why she had decided that she needed to talk to her friends.
“It’s interesting. I’m not changing the subject. But I had my mindset on what was going on in my marriage. My husband was the bad guy entirely. And yet, when I came here, and talked to you guys, and talked to Skyler, I realized that my view was not the only view. I think that’s part of the reason I decided that I wanted to talk to you guys about that day. I thought that maybe you’d have another view.” She looked at Claire. “I like that idea. I’ll have to think about it to see whether or not I really truly believe it, but I know that God is in control of everything. He makes the sun to shine on the just and the unjust, and the rain to fall on the same. If He can control the sun and the rain, He can control the affairs of man. And I suppose that while He does move for the prayers of man, and He changes things according to how we pray, even sometimes when we pray, God just says no.”
“He’s told me no more often than I wish, but sometimes when I look back, I think, man, I was dumb for wanting that. The older I get, the more I have a tendency to pray, ‘God, You do what You know is best, and help me to handle it.’” Grace laughed, and the other two joined in.
“That’s probably a really good prayer. Because…my way just leads to messes, like me leaving my husband.”
“God might have allowed that. After all, your husband is out here, and now he might be selling his business and you might be opening your mom’s bakery, and none of that would have happened if you hadn’t left. I’m not saying God wanted you to, but I’m saying that God works everything out for our good and His glory, even our stupidity and dumb mistakes.”
“Thanks. I actually feel better about that now.” And she realized, she also felt better about Yolanda. Claire and Grace were probably both right. That if it had been God’s will for Yolanda to live, she wouldn’t have died that day. No matter what Lauren had done.
“I know you feel selfish because you wanted the kittens to yourself, and you wanted to be able to read your book and all of that.” Claire put her hand on Lauren’s arm. “I feel guilty because I didn’t insist that we wear life vests. None of us were wearing them. But I wasn’t a better swimmer than Yolanda was. So why did she drown and I didn’t? Why did I bob up with a life vest right beside me? And the boat on the otherside. I got the life vest on, grabbed hold of the boat, and everything was just fine. I don’t know why.”
“Same. I could have insisted that we wear life vests. I could have insisted that we turn around sooner. I could have done a lot of different things, and I felt guilty about that for years. But the fact of the matter is, it doesn’t really matter what I would have insisted on. If the Lord willed it, it didn’t matter. Because God is stronger than anything I can do. And He’s not dependent on me doing something in order to have something else happen. He can control the wind and the waves. Obviously.”
“And that was a rogue wave. I don’t know if we ever talked about it, but it came up out of nowhere. There was a storm coming in, but that wave was…”
“It was different than any of the other ones. And I’m not saying it was sent exactly by God, but He could have controlled it. We know He could have.”
Lauren looked at her two friends. She didn’t realize that they had been carrying around guilt all these years too. She wished she would have talked to them a long time ago. They all felt bad. They all blamed themselves. And there really wasn’t any reason for them to do that. Even if they were wrong, there was nothing they could do to bring Yolanda back. The past was the past, and it was done. Finished. And it couldn’t be changed. She just had to move forward, hopefully learning from her mistakes and trying not to make the same ones again.
She could do the same thing in her marriage. She did feel bad for leaving her husband. But maybe she could learn from that mistake, like her friends had suggested, and not make the same mistake again.
“Not to change the subject, but I kind of wish that I would have thought about buying the inn. I didn’t even realize it was for sale.”
“I’m pretty sure it was sold, but I don’t know who bought it. But maybe they’ll sell it again.”
“The last time I looked, I wasn’t sure what I was looking at could be saved.”
“I happen to be married to someone who’s pretty good with his hands,” Grace said.
“I suppose you and Trevor together could have done something with it. But…it’s going to take a lot of money.”
“You’d only have to get one or two rooms ready, and you could rent those out while you worked on fixing the rest of it.”
“I think you’d need to get the outside done so that people who look at it don’t think the whole thing is going to fall down around their heads.”
“If I remember correctly, there were almost solid walls of windows, and it was kind of up on a hill so it had a gorgeous view of the lake. And the sunset over the lake. And…wasn’t there a restaurant or something attached to it? And…it was just very romantic.” Lauren tried to remember. She hadn’t been there much before it closed down back when she was a kid.
“We didn’t have a lot of money, and I don’t remember ever going there.”
“We didn’t have a whole lot either, but it was one of the only places in town where you could get food, and when my mom had a day off, she never felt like cooking.”
“One of the drawbacks of owning a bakery. You don’t like to cook for yourself. Like a cleaning business owner, right?” Grace laughed.
The others joined in, and they talked about light things, easy things, things that friends talked about. And then, Lauren remembered about the dog.
