Page 48 of Over the Verdant Hills
“Of course. Same way you said you’re there for your kids—I’m here for you if you need anything.”
The knowledge shone in her eyes. “Thank you. And thank youagain for insisting I go see Grace. It was the best decision I could have made. She’ll be someone to stand by me as well.”
For some reason, instead of being completely happy about that, there was a small slice of him that was a little jealous. She had someone else to lean on other than just him. He knew how selfish that was. She needed as many people as she could gather around her to help her through this time, and who was he to be the slightest bit upset? Yet he wanted to be the one she turned to. Not Grace, not someone else. Him.
That was selfish and wrong of him, and while he couldn’t change his feelings that second, he certainly wasn’t going to act on them. He was going to support her finding as much support for herself as she could. And he was going to graciously stand back and allow anyone else to stand beside her who wanted to, although, if she wanted him, he would be there. No questions asked.
“I’m glad you talked to her. I’m glad things turned out so well.”
“I was thinking. Grandma wouldn’t want us to be sad. She wouldn’t want us to be upset or mope around. In fact, when she got the diagnosis from the doctor, she was happy. I want to be happy too. I want to spend the next week with my children doing all the things that we’re not going to get to do all summer. Packing a whole summer’s worth of things into the next week.”
“I think your gram would be all on board for that. As long as there’s lots of homemade bread to go along with it.” He added that last part as a bit of humor, and it worked, because she laughed. He felt like this idea that she had was a good one—to be happy rather than sad. To go out of her way to find fun things to do and to make memories with her children, the way her grandma would have wanted her to. It totally sounded like something that would make Grandma happy to him.
“I was hoping you would join us for a few things. Maybe not all. I know you need to work. And I don’t want to pull you away from that, and I do want to have some special time with my children—just me and them. But…maybe a boat ride? Maybe find some kites to fly down by the beach? Or horseback riding?”
“I’m sure Rodney and Becky would allow us to ride their horses or even give us a carriage ride if you’re interested in that.”
“I think that would be fun. Something new. I’ve never had one.”
“Me neither. But I know they offer them. And yeah, I’m on board for whatever. Although I had already determined that I was going to work here in the kitchen as much as I could, because I figured the kitchen being in chaos was not helping your life feel more peaceful.”
“I don’t know that life is supposed to feel peaceful. I mean, that’s the feeling I love. It’s one that I actively try to pursue, but…is that the point of life?”
He stood there for a moment. “I suppose the point of life is to give glory to Jesus in everything that we say and do.”
“Yeah. And I think some people do what they want and point to the Lord, but I think the whole point is to do what God wants and point to the Lord. There’s a difference.”
“Yeah. Sometimes I have trouble understanding the difference.”
“Me too. Still, I think it glorifies God when we’re happy and at peace with the things that He’s brought into our lives. Whether it’s a good thing, which is obviously easy to be happy and at peace over, or a hard thing, like Grandma. So I don’t want to fake it exactly, but I don’t want to sit around and brood. I want to be happy that Gram’s in heaven, and happy that I get a week with my kids, and happy that I have a beautiful place to live and love and raise them.”
“All right. Sounds like ‘the joy of the Lord is your strength.’”
She smiled at his quoting of the Old Testament verse. It was a verse that had always caught him, because he had wondered how? How was the joy of the Lord strength to someone? But it seemed like Claire was going to try to live that this week—to lean on the strength of the Lord, to find the joy of the Lord, and make it her strength.
“I was hoping that you would go with us tonight. I know that originally you were going to either help us with Grandma or stay here with her, but… Would you come?”
The way she asked, the soft whisper of her breath over the words, the way she looked at him, made him feel…like maybe they were more than friends, like she admired him, like she truly desired to be with him. It stirred something in his soul, and he had to remind himself that she had just lost her grandma. He wasn’t going to take advantage of whatever vulnerable state she was in.
Although, was it taking advantage when she made the move?
Still, all she had done was ask a question, and it was an easy answer for him. “Yes. Of course. I’d love to.”
“All right. Then I know that you’re going to need to leave early so you can spend time with your mom.”
“Yeah. I probably should pack up right now and go home and help her out, make sure everything’s okay.”
“And then you’ll be back.”
“That’s right.”
“That sounds good.” She paused for a moment and then seemed to hesitate as she shifted. Then, with deliberate steps, she closed the distance between them and hugged him, wrapping her arms around him and putting her head on his chest. His breath froze in his lungs before his arms came up and he hugged her back, probably pulling her to him harder and tighter than what was strictly necessary. It wasn’t a familiar place for her—but she felt perfect in his arms, and he wanted her there. Wanted her to stay.
“Thank you. Thank you so much. Today would have been a nightmare without you. But I’m actually in a really good place—positive and upbeat—and while anytime I think about the future it looks scary, I just remind myself that I need to focus on today, which is not scary at all. It’s a happy day. A celebratory day, because Grandma is with Jesus and she’s happy.”
“That’s very wise. It’s one thing to know it, and it’s another thing to be able to do it. I admire you.” That was true. He felt a lot of other things other than admiration, but admiration was one that he could admit to.
“Thanks to you. If you hadn’t taken the time to talk to me, and help me, and be here when I needed you, I don’t know what kind of mess I would be right now.” She pulled back a little, and he reluctantly loosened his grip and allowed her to. “Thank you.”
