Page 41 of Over the Verdant Hills
She was going to text Josiah, but with those thoughts, she decided to call him instead. And then, after she dialed his number and the phone had rung once, she wondered if the police would look at her phone and see that her first call had not been to 911 or the police or to some kind of authority, but to someone else. Maybe they would accuse her of trying to get rid of the body so that she could get rid of the evidence.
She tried to calm herself down and remind herself that her grandma had cancer—they were expecting her to die. No one was going to blame her or think that she’d killed her.
Wait. Did she give her an overdose of her pills last night? Because she wasn’t supposed to die so fast, was she? Except the doctor had said she could die in her sleep tonight.
That was what had happened.
“Hello?”
“I didn’t kill her. I promise. I gave her the exact amount of pills that I was supposed to, and when I checked on her before I went to bed, she was fine, and I woke up this morning, and she’s just lying there, and I thought she was sleeping, but she’s not sleeping—she’s dead—and I’m afraid I’m going to go to jail for the rest of my life!” By the time she was done, she was practically shouting and sobbing and almost incoherent, but Josiah sounded calm and controlled when he spoke.
“Claire. She had cancer. Everyone knew she was going to die. I’ll be there in five minutes. Stay on the phone with me. You don’t need to do anything until I’m there.”
“I can’t leave her alone. I was supposed to watch her. Am I going to get arrested?”
“No. You’re not going to get arrested.”
“But who do I call? Do I call the police? Do I call an ambulance? She doesn’t need an ambulance. They’re not going to resuscitate her. She was hard. I touched her—she was cold. It was terrible.”
“Claire. It’s okay. They’re not going to arrest you. I promise.”
“How can you promise? You don’t know.”
“I do know. I actually know the head of the police personally, and he’s a reasonable guy. We’ll have your doctor talk to them if necessary. She just told you yesterday she could die in her sleep tonight. And that’s what she did.”
“But I didn’t believe her. I didn’t actually think it was going to happen. I thought I had all summer.”
She hadn’t cried yet. But to her dismay, tears were streaming down her face, and she broke down in sobs.
“I’m sorry. I thought I was ready for this. I mean, I knew I wasn’t. But I knew she was going to die.”
“It’s okay. It’s normal for you to be upset. No one expects you not to be upset. That would be weird.”
“What? I want to be calm. I want to be in control. But I’m just…overwhelmed.”
“‘When my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I.’” He quoted the Bible verse.
His words, the familiar Psalm, the calm tone, the knowledge that someone was coming to stand beside her, calmed her and eased her mind.
And then a new thought struck. “I should have been there. I should have been sitting beside her, holding her hand. She died alone.”
“She didn’t die alone. Jesus promises to walk with us through the valley of death. He was there with her. She didn’t need you. Why would she want you when she had Jesus?”
It might have sounded like Josiah was telling her she wasn’t loved, but Claire knew exactly what he was saying. He was telling her that her time to hold her grandma was over, and Jesus took over from there. Who would want a human when they could have Jesus?
And he was right.
Thankfully, it didn’t take him long to get there. As soon as she sawhis truck pulling in, she hung up and ran to the front steps and met him as he parked.
He opened the door, and she rushed into his arms, not thinking that it was inappropriate at all, just knowing that she needed some kind of comfort, and he was there, and she was going to take whatever he was willing to give her.
“Hey. It’s okay. I know this is hard, but you’re going to do it. I’ll be here with you. We’ll do it together.” He stroked her hair and held her against his chest, feeling so warm and hard and solid and alive. So alive. Her grandma wasn’t. Gone. Gone from this world, and she felt lonely and left behind and afraid.
This is where she was supposed to cling to Jesus, but Jesus had given her people to cling to as well.
“I don’t want to put you in the place of Jesus, but it feels so good to have someone alive to hold onto.”
“I’m here to hold onto as long as you need me,” he said, his words reassuring and calm and with that same easy, confident tone that he’d been using on her all morning since she’d called him, and it infused her with strength and with determination that she could do this.
