Page 40 of Over the Verdant Hills
She was only thirteen, and Claire would have to check the laws of Massachusetts, but she was pretty sure that once Lana turned fourteen, she could decide if she would like to stay with one parent full-time.
Claire wasn’t sure how she felt about that or whether she would even suggest that to Lana. She would love to have Lana with her all summer, but it wouldn’t be fair to Ted, who, despite all his flaws, she believed truly did love his children. Just not enough to keep him on the straight and narrow. The love he had for her wasn’t enough either.
That didn’t mean there was something wrong with her or wrong with the kids. It meant there was something wrong with Ted.
It had taken her a long time to figure thatout and even longer to believe it, and even now, she wasn’t sure she was totally on board with the whole idea.
She felt like she hadn’t been enough.
She thought she was over that, and she shook her head, getting dressed and combing her hair, trying to do it quietly so she didn’t wake the kids up before it was necessary. One last day, and then tomorrow they could sleep in. She always allowed them a whole week to sleep in after school was out before she started making them get up and work a little bit in the morning. Her mom had always said that it was important that kids learn to work, and she didn’t think it was right for children to lie around in bed.
Her mom, now living in New Mexico, hadn’t thought she would be able to make it out to see her own mom anytime soon. But she had said she would look into flights.
Her mom’s brother, Uncle Bob, who lived in Nebraska, had sounded like he was going to try to make the trip—he just didn’t know when.
Grandma had a few other kids, and some grandkids, and Claire had called them all. But she didn’t have any solid dates for any of them to come visit.
Grandma had been disappointed but tried to hide it.
Still, Claire picked up her phone, hoping that maybe a few texts had come in overnight.
Nothing, except something from Josiah from earlier, telling her that he was taking care of his mom but that he’d be over as soon as possible and to let him know if she needed him to bring anything.
She appreciated the thought and the consideration, and thought about it for a moment before she texted back and told him thanks, but there was nothing right now.
She was still smiling at the fact that someone had been kind enough to check on her as she walked downstairs and decided to put water on the stove before she went in to wake up Grandma.
She wasn’t actually going to wake her grandma. She was going to go in and check and see if she was awake, and if she wasn’t, she would let her grandma sleep until she was ready to wake up.
Or maybe until shortly before the meeting with hospice.
She didn’t know. She was new at this. She didn’t know what to do.
She didn’t know how long her grandma might sleep. Maybe the pills would keep her in bed all day. The pharmacist had said that different people had different reactions to them.
Regardless, the door was still partially cracked, and she peeked in before she pushed it open any farther.
Grandma lay peacefully there, just the way she’d been last night when Claire had checked on her. It looked like she hadn’t moved at all.
And then Claire realized she wasn’t moving at all. She wasn’t even breathing.
Something gripped her entire chest and pulled it tight and hard and hot as she pushed the door open and hurried to the bed.
“Grandma? Grandma?” She spoke the first word softly and then louder, and then she practically yelled, “Grandma!”
She touched the body, but it was cool and hard, and she drew her hand back immediately. There was no question. Her grandma had stepped into heaven.
Leaving Claire and the children and the rest of the family here behind.
It was graduation, promotion, a happy day, except it didn’t feel like that to Claire. It felt heavy and hard and sad and like she wasn’t nearly prepared. She thought she was going to have more time. She thought she was going to be able to talk to her grandma about more things. Make more bread together, watch the flowers grow, spend the summer together. Grandma could comfort her as she cried over the fact that her kids were gone and her family was broken up and she didn’t know what she was going to do with the rest of her life. But life looked bleak and empty now, and her kids hadn’t even left yet. Just Grandma.
She sat down in the chair beside the bed, staring at the body. Did she need to move the sheet to cover her head? Wasn’t that what people did? Why did they do that? Was it something she had to do? Grandma just looked like she was sleeping. And then… What did one do when one found a dead body in their house in the morning? She assumed hospice was going to go over all that with her. Or someone was. She had no idea what to do. Did you call the police? An ambulance? Who?
She had no idea. She’d never felt so helpless and alone, so very, very alone, in her life before.
Her phone—she still held her phone in her hand, and she looked at it. Who to call? What to do?
And then she thought, Josiah. He was on his way over anyway. Maybe he could come faster and stand beside her while she tried to figure this all out. She wasn’t going to be arrested for killing her grandma, was she? Like…people would understand her grandma was dying and it had nothing to do with her, right? Was she going to be in trouble?
