Page 32 of Over the Verdant Hills
“We all do that, right?”
“Thanks for talking to me.” She looked over at him and looked grateful. It made his heart swell a bit, and he just nodded, then looked away. He didn’t want to have any tender moments between them, because he knew that she was just seeing him as a friend. And he also knew that there was a part of him that could want more. And shouldn’t.
“I think I’m going to do what you suggested and reach out to Grace. I think it was pride keeping me from it. After all, who wants to apologize? And that’s the first thing I need to do.”
“You might be surprised. She might not remember things the way you do, and she probably isn’t expecting an apology.”
“Are you defending her?” Claire asked, causing his eyes to slant to hers.
She had been joking.
“I might have been a little bit.”
“You’re not allowed to do that. Not until we’re friends again. And then, once Grace and I are friends, then you can defend her all you want to.”
“I’ll keep that in mind,” he said. “You keep me posted.”
“I will.” They sat there for a moment, and then she said, “Thanks again. I appreciate your listening ear and your wisdom. I needed it to kind of get out of my slump. Whatever happens, happens, and I’m going to trust God and hold onto Him.” She put a hand up. “Which does not mean that I’m not going to miss my grandma. But she’s not gone yet, so I don’t have to think about that now.”
“That’s right. Something will come, something better, and God will work it all out for good.”
She smiled at him one last time before she got up and walked around the edge of the house.
He sat there for another moment, thinking. He had briefly mentioned fear as being a sin. And maybe that’s what had kept him from dating all of these years—because he knew how Claire hadn’t responded to his kiss all those years ago, when he had enjoyed it. Maybe that had marked him, caused him to be afraid, more than he realized.
But maybe too, he was waiting for someone more like Claire to come along. Now Claire herself was here, and he was afraid to have any deep moments with her, because he was afraid she wouldn’t feel the way he did. Fear. He didn’t want to allow fear to control his life, and yet…he was. Maybe that was something he needed to work on.
Chapter Thirteen
It was the weekend with her kids home, and Claire wanted to enjoy the time that she had left with them. Then, on Monday her grandma had an appointment with her doctor, and Josiah was gone, working on a yacht.
She missed him more than she thought. She hadn’t seen him since they’d sat on the porch and talked and she’d apologized—it hadn’t even been a week, but she found she missed his steady presence.
But she also realized that she’d been grasping at people to fill the spot where God was supposed to be. She wanted someone she could depend on. Someone who would steadily and unfailingly help her through these hard times. Wasn’t that the position of God Himself? And yet, she’d wanted her grandma to do that, and then she was counting on Josiah thinking how he could do it for her and wanting to reach out to Grace so that she would have someone.
They were sitting in the waiting room waiting for the doctor to call them back when she finally realized that it was okay to depend on people. It was okay to allow people to comfort her, to help her, to encourage her the way Josiah had. After all, God had given her people to surround herself with, to help her. Christians were supposed to band together and walk through thisdifficult life.
She just had to be careful that she wasn’t putting people in the position that God was supposed to be in—leading her and guiding her and being the one she could depend on always.
Because people were going to let her down. Either they were going to die like Grandma, cheat like her husband, or make mistakes, maybe like Grace, although those mistakes seemed like they were more hers.
They wouldn’t be perfect, like Josiah.
Although the more time she spent with him, the more she felt like maybe he had grown into someone who was…more perfect than he used to be, anyway. But he didn’t seem interested in her like that at all anymore. He’d laughed about their kiss and didn’t seem the slightest bit offended when she’d said that it hadn’t been what she had hoped it would be—that she had been disappointed in it.
She probably shouldn’t have said that. She knew that male egos were fragile, and if she would have said that to her ex-husband, he would have gotten angry and attacked her back.
“Mrs. Donegan, come on back. We’ll get your weight and vitals, and then the doctor will be in to see you.”
Grandma stood, obviously in pain. It hurt Claire’s heart to see it. And she wished that there was something she could do.
She reminded herself, she was doing something.
“Claire’s coming with me,” Grandma said as she moved slowly back toward the hall where the nurse led them.
Claire hated the idea that Grandma had done this by herself lots of times before. But she had to remind herself that she’d always felt better. This was the worst that she’d felt, and Claire was grateful that the Lord had allowed her to be here.
She braced herself, because she was afraid to hear what the doctor was going to have to say. But at least the doctor was compassionate, concerned, and sympathetic.
