Page 28 of Over the Verdant Hills
Maybe it was good that he’d never gotten married.
Although, part of him wanted to go and explain, to beg forgiveness, to somehow make things right between them, because he hated the fact that their relationship had a problem he couldn’t solve.
“Should I go talk to her?” he asked Miss Mattie, knowing that he would if she wanted him to although also knowing that there probably wasn’t any point in it. Claire was not exactly in the state of mind to be reasoned with.
“Don’t you worry about it. When you leave to go back outside, I’ll go upstairs and see what I can say to her.”
He nodded, knowing that he probably wouldn’t see Claire again until Monday. He didn’t typically work on the weekends, and he didn’t work long days on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday when his dad was out of town and he went home for lunch.
He might not see her until next Thursday.
“I’m sorry. I was tempted to tell her, but I thought it was your information to share.”
Miss Mattie nodded. “I had asked you not to tell anyone. I wanted to keep it to myself.”
“I figured you’d share it if you wanted her to know.”
“She’s been through so much, I hated to put her through more. I wanted her to get settled here, maybe get reacquainted with some old friends, so she had a bit of a support system around her for when the end happens… Sometimes I think it’s not going to be long,” Miss Mattie said, looking at the food on the table, and then her eyes dropped down to her plate where she’d only eaten a bite or two.
“Maybe you could eat a bit more?” Josiah suggested. It was the same thing he sometimes said to his mom when she didn’t eat. Sometimes he thought that maybe people didn’t eat because their bodies were telling them that they just didn’t have the energy to digest things, or they needed to put their energy into something else. But whatever it was, he just couldn’t see trying to get someone to force-feed themselves.
“I think I’ve eaten enough. I really didn’t have any appetite at all. I came to the table just because I love your company. I’m sorry about my granddaughter.”
“No. She’s mad at me. And upset about you. She loves you. I thinkshe thought she was going to come back and you guys were going to have a long, long time together.”
“She’s had a grandmother a lot longer than a lot of people do. Longer than I did. My grandparents all died by the time I was ten. I didn’t have anyone growing up.”
“That’s too bad. I enjoyed spending time with my grandparents, but they’re all gone now too.”
“It’s the way of life. The older generation slowly gives way to the next, and the next, and the next.” Somehow, Miss Mattie smiled, and it made things feel like they weren’t so bad. He liked being around people who were able to make bad times seem not so bad.
He knew that Claire was going to be upset, but he hoped it was short-lived. And he hoped that she could see that he was doing the best he could under the circumstances.
Because, for some reason, having their relationship not be right bothered him more than he wanted to admit.
Chapter Eleven
Claire knew she was acting like a child, but she felt like a child. Her whole world had come crashing down around her in the last year, and now more of it was crashing—more than she even thought she could have crash was crashing.
She knew that bad things happened to people all the time. She didn’t expect her life to be trial-free. She didn’t expect good things to happen to her on a daily basis and for her never to experience hard times.
But it seemed like this was harder than most, because the hits just kept on coming.Lord? How much more am I supposed to take?
She let that question hang in her mind for a bit, but then it seemed like God reminded her that she wasn’t supposed to take it alone. She was supposed to give her burdens to the Lord.
But how do I do that? Just dump them on You and walk away?
There was no answer, but in her mind, she thought she heard “yes.”
Wasn’t that what Jesus said? To cast your burdens on Him because His yoke was easy and His burden light. She was just supposed to give it to God.
And then what? Not worry about Grandma? Pretend Grandma wasn’t dying?
That wouldn’t be terrible. Grandma would be going to heaven, to be with Jesus. She would be happier.
But life would be sad here without her.
Jesus would still be with her—Claire. Of course there would be sad times. Even Jesus wept when Lazarus died, and that was knowing that He would be raising him from the dead. So it wasn’t that people weren’t supposed to feel sadness—it was just… They were supposed to trust the Lord and keep walking on.
