Page 35 of Alpha's Twins
She’s at my side, her arms around me, holding me together as I fall apart. “It’s going to be okay,” she says, her voice soothing. “Just breathe. Let it out.”
But I can’t breathe. I can’t do anything but cry, the weight of everything crashing down on me. I’ve ruined it. I’ve ruined everything.
Chapter 18 - Aiden
Twins. Twins.
The word goes round and round in my head in a perpetual loop of pure panic.
The door slams behind me, and I’m dimly aware of the shock it causes in the small clinic, as the nervous glances and whispers follow me as I storm out of the building. The sunshine hits me in the face as I walk back to the truck, feeling like I’m going to heave.
First, it was the pure panic that struck me when I stepped out onto the porch, holding two plates, and saw Serena collapsing to the ground. It takes a lot for a shifter to faint; in fact, we don’t, really. Seeing her drop to the ground like that did something to my wolf; the fear was tangible. But it is nothing compared to the overwhelming fear that gripped me the moment she said she was pregnant.
I drive away from the clinic, hoping the roar of the engine will drown out the noise in my head, but the word ‘twins’ beats along with it, pounding like a drum, a rhythm of pure fucking terror.
How long have you known?
My voice echoes, accusing and raw, and I grit my teeth against the memory of Serena’s face, the look of shock and hurt as I walked out.
I’m not stupid, I know we weren’t being careful, but I can’t be a father. Can I? Not yet, not now.
The drive back to the house is a blur, the roads twisting and turning as I navigate the panic inside my own head. It’s too much. Serena. The twins. Malik. The pack. I can’t breathe, thepressure building until I feel like I’m going to explode. I slam the steering wheel in frustration, and at the last minute, I veer away from town, taking the old trail that leads into the forest. I need to run. I need to get out of my own head before it crushes me.
The truck skids to a halt, and I’m out before the engine dies, my body already shifting before I hit the tree line. The world blurs, my wolf taking over, and I give in, letting him run, letting the raw energy burn through me. My paws hit the ground hard, and I push faster, feeling the wind cut through my fur, feeling the release of movement, of escape.
The forest is dense, wild, and I weave through the trees, the familiar scents of pine and earth grounding me. It’s the only place I’ve ever felt free, the only place that’s truly mine. I run until my legs burn, until my lungs are raw, and I don’t stop until I reach the mountain trails that lead to the lookout posts along the ridge.
I stand at the edge, the valley spreading out below, the mountains stretching as far as I can see. The wind is cold here, biting, and I let it whip through me, trying to clear my head, trying to figure out what the fuck I’m going to do. I shift back, the transition leaving me breathless, and I sink to the ground, my back leaning against a jagged rock.
Twins.
The word is relentless, looping through my mind, and I can’t escape it. I never thought this far ahead, never let myself imagine what it would mean. A family. Pups. The reality of it is like a punch to the gut, and I feel the panic clawing at me again.
What if I’m like Ralph?
The thought hits me harder than I expect, and I clench my fists, trying to shove it away. I’m not going to be like him. I’m not going to let that happen. But the doubt is there, insidious andcreeping, and I can’t shake it. What if I screw this up? What if I screw Serena up? The way Ralph screwed up my mom until she just faded away? The way he screwed up me?
The sky is darkening, and I watch the shadows stretch across the valley, the mountains looming. I stand, heading over to the small outpost where we keep a stash of clothes. I pull on some shorts and grab some water from the barrel, then return to the ridge and study the mountain caves dotted along the peaks. Despite the turmoil in my mind, I still can’t resist looking for Malik, wondering if he’s even here at all.
If I can’t even find Malik, how the hell am I going to do this?
I think of Serena, of the way she looked at me in the clinic, her face pale and her eyes wide with fear and something else, something like hope, and I feel like I’m going to be sick. I left her there. I fucking left her. My wolf growls, restless, but I don’t know how to face her. I don’t know how to be what she needs right now.
The sky grows darker, the valley sinking into shadow behind the clouds, and I stand there, feeling the chill seep into my skin, feeling the weight of everything press down on me. I can’t do this. I can’t do any of this.
“Aiden?” The voice is sudden, cutting through the cold air, and I whip around, startled.
Jace stands there, his expression a mix of surprise and concern. “You know, you’re not actually that hard to find,” he chuckles, coming closer. “I thought you might be up here.”
I sigh; news travels fast in the pack. I shouldn’t be surprised, really. One of Jace’s sisters is a nurse at the clinic; I can only imagine how quickly she got onto the phone to him.
"Word gets around," Jace says, confirming what I've already suspected.
"Seems like it does," I reply, my voice steady.
He settles down beside me, his gaze unwavering, as if he's trying to look right into my soul. "Do you want to talk about it?" he asks, his tone surprisingly gentle considering we don’t talk about our feelings very often.
I lean back against the rock, feeling the words knotting up in my throat, refusing to come out easily. "Not much to say," I finally manage to get out, each word feeling like it's clawing its way up. "I'm fucked."
