Page 92 of Tear Me Apart
Oh, God. Mindy found the letters.
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August 1994
Dear Liesel,
My last few letters have come back unopened with a stamp that says Return to Sender. I suppose that means you’ve moved. Moved away, moved on. I know your mother is keeping you from me, the bitch. If I ever see her, I will do bad things to her. But not to you. Never to you. I miss you muchly, Liesel. Please write.
Love,
V
September 1994
Fuck you, Liesel. I can’t believe you’ve abandoned me here like this. Stupid bitch. I’m mailing this even though I know you won’t get it. That’s Einstein’s theory of crazy, right? Doing the same thing over and over expecting a different outcome? Next letter I get from you, I’ll return to sender. How’s that sound?
January 1995
My sweet V,
It’s been so long since I heard from you, I figure you must be mad at me. Or maybe you’ve moved on from the hospital. I hope so. You don’t need to be there, V. You are so strong. If that’s not the case, I’m sorry for whatever I said to upset you, and I’m sorry I couldn’t come visit you before I moved.
I love my new home, and my new school. The view of the mountains is incredible, and so far, the students are very nice. Mother likes her new job. We left behind most of our furniture–it increased the value of the house, Mother said, so we have all new things, and I talked her into a big queen bed for my room, which has been very nice to test out with my new boyfriend. He likes my tattoo, too.
I think of you often. I hope you write me back.
Love,
Liesel
March 1995
Dear Liesel,
I was hoping to send better news, but I am back in the hospital. I’ve done a six-month voluntary. And the answer to your question is yes, I did try again, and yes, I failed, and yes, Dr. Freakazoid and Ratchet and the chattering whack-jobs are still here. Nothing has changed. Nothing ever changes. It’s the same bleak-as-shit hole in the ground smelly shitty nasty ward.
Don’t you wish you were here?
I know you’re disappointed in me. I’m sorry.
Love,
V
April 1995
Dear V,
I just received your letter, and I am so sorry to hear you’re back in. But, V, I could never be disappointed in you. I’m disappointed for you, of course, because I know how much you hate it in there. I completely understand. But remember, V, there is no shame in getting help. You deserve to find happiness, to have a life filled with joy. If being in the ward, being counseled by Freakazoid and Ratchet, eating healthy food–okay, stop laughing, I know we can’t exactly call mystery meat healthy, but it is regular food. You’ve always been too skinny. If these things will help you get better, that’s a good thing, right?
Seriously, take their advice, and let them help you. I’m pulling for you from afar! Hang in there–ha ha, some gallows humor for you–Don’t you dare!
Love,
Liesel
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