Page 103 of A Deeper Darkness
“Of course I do. My God, isn’t that why I’m here? To hear the truth?”
“You’re here so I can keep you safe.”
Around and around the mulberry bush. This man was going to drive her crazy.
“Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“Why do you feel the need to keep me safe?”
“Because you need looking after.”
Way to state the obvious. Sam wasn’t a warrior. She was just a girl. That had been emphasized all the more back in the cabin when she was sitting side by side with Maggie, who was also of the female persuasion but could hardly be calledgirlie.Hell, even the way she strutted around with the weapons was graceful and contained. She reminded Sam of Taylor. That was funny.
“I don’t disagree with that. I do need looking after. But why does it have to beyou?The cops can take care of me. They’ve done a decent job of it so far.”
“Ha. They sent you, a civilian, into an ambush, nearly got you killed, then lost you on a mountaintop. I’d hardly call that taking good care.”
Xander poked at the fire, and the blanket of silence settled over them. She gave it a few minutes before she acquiesced. Maybe agreeing with him would draw him out more.
“Granted. But the way you say it, it’s like you have an obligation to me or something. You don’t. You don’t even know me.”
“I know you better than you think.”
He got quiet again. She felt like she was pulling teeth, long, slow, arduous teeth that were cemented in a fossilized mandible. She let her breath out slowly, hoping some of the exasperation she was feeling would bleed away. It didn’t.
“Eddie loved you a lot, you know,” Xander said.
Thatshe wasn’t expecting. It was obvious that Eddie had mentioned her to Xander, or else he wouldn’t feel the need to keep her tucked away, but she never imagined his feelings had been this deep. Not after such a long time.
“We hadn’t talked in almost fifteen years,” she said quietly.
“Doesn’t matter. A man never forgets his first love. And you were his.”
She laughed, a harsh, unforgiving sound that surprised her. “No, I wasn’t. I was his second. The Army was always his first love.”
“Hoo-rah,” Xander said automatically.
“Exactly my point.”
“Point taken. But you can’t think it didn’t break his heart to leave you, too. Because it did. I knew him before he met Susan. She was the best thing that could have happened to him. Because until he met her…that man was lost without you.”
Sam didn’t want to hear that. Didn’t want to be reminded of what might have been. There was no going back in this life, no do-overs. She’d walked away, across the bridge, and closed the door on Eddie Donovan forever. Or so she thought.
The night air drew in around them, and she used the chirping crickets as cover for her shaky breath.
“It wasn’t supposed to be him. We both knew that. Him leaving was for the best.”
Xander tossed the stick to the ground. “He knew that. God, Sam, don’t you see? He left because of the obligation he felt to you. He knew he’d put you in an untenable situation. Making you choose between the man you’d loved for years and the man you’d practically just met? He couldn’t handle the thought that, one day, you’d wake up and realize you’d chosen the wrong man. He didn’t want to put you through that. So he pushed you as far away as he could. He sacrificed his own happiness to assure yours.”
Sam couldn’t hold the tears back anymore.
Donovan, you bastard. Still making me cry. You weren’t supposed to love me like that.
Xander waited patiently while she pulled it together. Finally, she took a deep breath and wiped at her eyes.
“I didn’t know that. Thank you for telling me. It helps. I’m glad he was able to find happiness again. But he found you, obviously. You were his very good friend. I can tell.”
