Page 53 of Best Friends
“I’m trying to salvage things. You’re the one saying there’s no us anymore. I’m trying my best to figure out what the hell you want from me.” He looks frazzled, cheeks flushed and eyes wide. “One second it seems like you care about me, and the next you want nothing to do with me.”
“When have I ever said I wanted nothing to do with you?” I demand. “All I ever asked for was that we keep our private life private until I felt comfortable coming out to everyone. Coming out is a big deal for me.”
“I realize that. It is for me too. But any negativity was worth it to me if that meant I had you.”
I grimace. “I feel the same. But I’m not as confident as you. I needed more time to get there. Why don’t you understand that?”
“I do understand that.”
“Doesn’t seem like it.”
“Look… I love you,” he says gruffly. “But you keep moving the goal post. It’s confusing the hell out of me. It… it feels like you’re just making up excuses so you don’t have to be with me.”
I huff. “Iwaswith you. I just didn’t see why a bunch of strangers needed to know about it.”
“And I was pretty damn patient about that at first.”
“You weren’t that patient,” I mutter.
“Oh, really?” He lets out a harsh bark of a laugh. “Jesus, you asked a girl out on adateand I let it go.”
My face heats. “You know why that happened. I explained that to you.”
“Yeah,” he says gruffly. “You were worried about hurting Amanda’s feelings. What about my feelings? Why don’t you ever put my feelings first?”
I hesitate. “I do. All the time.”
“No, not when it comes to our romantic relationship. From the first it had to be your way. We had to play by your rules. Nobody could know anything about us. And I did my best to just go along with it. But once I claimed you, well, I’m sorry, but keeping that a secret felt wrong.” He blows out a breath, cheeks flushed.
“I just wanted privacy,” I mumble.
“I know, which kind of hurt my feelings. Because I… I was so fucking happy. I… I wanted to let the world know you weremine. That’s not weird of me. That’s a normal alpha response to claiming an omega. What red-blooded alpha claims an omegaand then hides it? But you made me feel like a jerk for wanting what any other alpha would want.”
“I didn’t say it was wrong of you to want that.” I frown. “I was just hoping you’d understand why I wanted more time.”
“I know, and I respected your wishes the first time around. I kept my mouth shut about us. But once I claimed you, you still wanted to keep hiding. I’m sorry, but that feels wrong. If you asked any alpha how they’d feel in my shoes, I think they’d agree it was hurtful.”
“Well…” I grimace. “I… I wasn’ttryingto hurt you. I was just trying to come to terms with why you’d even want to claim me.”
He lifts his brows, looking bewildered, his forehead creasing in genuine confusion. “What are you talking about? Of course I’d want to claim you. I fucking love you, C. Even though I want to strangle you sometimes, you’re still my favorite person in the world.”
The warmth in his voice makes my chest tighten, but I cross my arms defensively. “Well, it doesn’t seem like it,” I grumble, my gaze dropping to the floor between us. “Not if you’re trying to get me to remove your bite.”
“I thought that was whatyouwanted.” He sounds exasperated. His hands clench at his sides, knuckles going white. “I thought having my bite disgusted you.”
“What? Why would you think that?”
He scowls, his jaw ticking with tension, and I can see the hurt flickering behind his anger. “Because you wanted to hide my bite under a damn Band-Aid. Most omegas are proud of theiralpha’s bite, but you were the opposite. What was I supposed to think?”
We fall silent, staring at each other. Maybe it’s because I have his bite on my neck, but I feel as if his physical stress is my own. I’m more in tune to him than ever before. My heartbeat pounds in my ears as I take in the rise and fall of his chest. He’s stressed. Agitated. Scared. His scent is a mix of fear and pain. His hands tremble slightly as he clenches and unclenches them.
All at once my anger fades. I finally understand what’s happening between us. It took me a while to grasp it, but it’s sinking in. We’re both terrified of being rejected. Because of that, we’re being prideful. Stubborn. I’m insecure about why he wants me, and he’s insecure because he thinks I’ve already said I don’t want him. Neither thing is true, and I can see that so clearly now.
I take a deep breath and I push up onto my feet. I cross the short distance to him. I feel his shock when I slip my arms around him and lay my head on his chest. His arms immediately close around me and we hold each other. It feels so good to be in his strong arms. I feel like I can finally breathe again, and I suspect he feels the same. He groans, nuzzling my hair, his breath hot against my scalp.
“I’m sorry, Malc,” I whisper. “I… I’ve been so scared. I… I don’t want to lose you, but I feel like I already have.” My eyes burn as I admit that.
His arms tighten. “No, God no. I love you, C. So much it kills me.” His hands slide up my back, pressing me even closer. “You’re mine, okay? You’re never going to lose me.”
