Page 25 of Best Friends
His eyes are dark blue with pain and the guilt I feel is huge. I have no desire to hurt him. I love Malcolm more than anything in this world. But I worry that the hate and judgement from others could destroy what we feel for each other before it can really even take hold. We need to be rock solid before we invite that sort of vitriol into our lives.
“Look, what I’m asking for istime. That’s all. I love you. I want to be with you, Malcolm. I swear on my life, I’d take a fucking bullet for you. But if we tell people about us before we’re strong and truly committed, it could ruin it. I don’t want that. I want us to be a hundred percent sure this is what we want before we toss that grenade.”
“I feel a hundred percent about you.”
“Okay, but what’s the harm in waiting? We can still be together.”
He scowls. “I don’t want to have to sneak around and hide how I feel. I’m not afraid to let people see how much you mean to me.”
“That’s because you’re so open,” I rasp. “I’m not like you, you know that. I don’t let people in easily. You’re asking me to open up the most private part of my life to a bunch of people I know will try and trash me. Us. I’m not sure I can’t handle that. I… I can’t just be like you because you want that. It’s not how I’m built.”
“There’s nothing wrong with being gay, or bisexual. The fact people make a big deal about it is stupid. Male omegas couldn’t get pregnant from a male alpha if it wasn’t a natural thing for two males to be together. In fact, fuck that. If two males want to love each other andneverhave offspring, that’s their business. Period.”
“I agree, but that’s now how our alpha omega society sees it and you know it.”
“Well, that needs to change.”
I give a hard laugh. “You think we’re going to be the ones who change that? I highly doubt it, Malcolm. If we come out we’ll just catch flak and you know it. Just like anyone else would in our position. It doesn’t matter what we think about the subject, the majority of society still thinks it’s weird to be a same sex couple.”
His blue eyes are guarded. “Is this just a sexual thing for you?”
“Of course not.” I scowl.
“But being with me doesn’t mean enough for you to fight for it?”
I grit my teeth. “Malcolm, you’re not listening. All I’m saying is let’s see how this goes before we announce it to the world. Once it’s out, there’s no coming back from it.”
He watches me, pain and anger swimming in his eyes.
“Malcolm,” I say softly. “Don’t be mad. Don’t be hurt. Please, I can’t stand it when you’re in pain.”
His hard expression slowly softens and he moves closer, pulling me against him. He kisses my hair, and I press closer to his big, muscular body. I’m still in shock at how much I need him. Want him. I’m praying he doesn’t reject me. I don’t know what I’ll do if he says he doesn’t want to be my friend anymore. My lover. If he gives me an ultimatum, I don’t know what I’ll do.
“Go home,” he says huskily. “I’ll tell the girls you aren’t feeling well and that you had to leave.”
I pull back. “Really?” I search his face for a sign that he’s done with me, or upset with me. But when I meet his gaze, there’s only resignation. “What are you going to do?”
“I’m going to finish the night with the girls. They got ready and came out tonight to have some fun. I’m not going to just bail on them. I’m going to make sure they have a good time.”
My stomach tenses and jealousy shifts through me. “You’re not taking them both back to your place, right?”
He narrows his eyes, looking annoyed. “Of course not. What the fuck, C. You think I’d tell you I love you and then go have athreesome?”
My face warms. “Sorry.”
He sighs and his eyes warm slightly. “You need to trust me at least a little.”
I nod, grimacing. “I know. I’m a mess right now.”
He leans in and kisses me, and I instantly feel better. He pulls back, gently pushing the hair off my forehead. “Can I come see you after I make sure the girls get home safe?”
Excitement jolts through me.“Yes.”
He smiles at my quick response. “It might be late.”
I shrug. “So? We have tomorrow off.”
Lust glitters in his eyes. “True.”
