Page 20 of Best Friends
Her compliments make my face hot, and when I look up and meet Malcolm’s gaze, he looks annoyed. Confused by hisexpression, I frown and give him a questioning look, but he just looks away.
“You two should get a room,” he says. His tone is teasing, but I know him well enough to see that something is bugging him.
I guess Cecilia doesn’t want to be left out of the flirting. She puts her head on Malcolm’s shoulder and smiles at whatever he whispers to her. My stomach aches as I watch them. Instead, I turn my attention to Amanda. She lights up when I give her my full attention. I still worry that I feel no sexual desire for her. What am I going to do if we go back to Malcolm’s place and I can’t get it up for Amanda?
Fortunately, the food arrives so all the cuddling and suggestive looks take a pause. The conversation is lively and the beer helps me relax. The thought of having sex with Amanda still does nothing to arouse me. However, if I let myself think about my night with Malcolm and his naked body on top of me, my dick gets super stiff. Am I going to have to think of my best friend naked just so I can get it up long enough to have sex with Amanda? That seems so fucking wrong. I can’t do that, right?
After dinner, and as the waiter is clearing the dessert plates away, Cecilia gives Malcolm a seductive glance. “So, are you going to invite us back to your place, or not?”
“I was just about to suggest that.” Malcolm winks at her. “You beat me too it.”
Amanda gives a little giggle and she strokes my thigh.
I instantly break out in a cold sweat. This is the moment of truth. I’ve struggled all night, praying I’d be attracted to Amanda, but I still feel limp as a noodle at the idea of screwing her. I’m not sure what to do. My heart is racing and it’s difficultto pull in a full breath. I worry I might be on the verge of a panic attack. I haven’t had one in years but I feel one coming on. I can’t go back to Malcolm’s house in this state. I need to get a grip.
I clear my throat and slip out of the booth. “Uh, I’ll be right back. Gotta use the bathroom.”
Head down, I hurry toward the men’s room. As I enter the bathroom, I’m relieved to see it’s empty. I head straight to the sink and I splash cold water on my face. I lean on the counter, staring at my frazzled reflection in the mirror.
How the fuck am I going to have sex with Amanda? Even if I manage to get it up, it’s a douche move when I don’t feel anything for her. I don’t understand why Malcolm seems just fine with the idea of fucking Cecilia, but I’m having a meltdown. Why am I struggling so much, but he’s fine?
I jump when the door opens and Malcolm comes inside. He closes the door and walks toward me, his expression worried. “You sick or something?” he asks.
“No.” I grab a paper towel and wipe my damp face roughly. I toss the crumpled paper into the nearby trash.
“Then why are you in here hiding?”
“I’m not hiding,” I snap. “I… I had to use the bathroom.” I can’t tell him the truth. Not when he’s obviously absolutely fine with taking Cecilia home and pounding her into the mattress.
He narrows his eyes. “Amanda’s giving you the green light, C. She’s super into you. What’s wrong with you?”
I give a croak of a laugh. “That’s a really good question.”
“Amanda’s really hot, dude.”
Nodding, I say, “I know. I have eyes.”
“Then what’s the problem?” He inches closer, and I take a step back. He laughs gruffly. “What’s going on? You’re acting so weird, C.”
I swallow hard. “You know what? On second thought, I don’t feel so great.”
He narrows his gaze. “Are you seriously trying to bail right now?”
“I just… I can’t…” I swallow hard. “I… don’t want.” I can’t seem to make the words come out of my mouth, and the way he’s looking at me I feel like puking. Raking a hand through my hair, I move away from him and head into the only stall. I just need some distance from him while I try to make sense of my scrambled thoughts.
Unfortunately, Malcolm follows me into the stall.
Startled, I meet his frustrated gaze. “Hey, do you mind?” I growl, keeping my gaze fixed on the collar of his shirt. I want to push him out of the stall, but I’m afraid to touch him. I don’t trust myself.
Rather than moving away, he presses closer. “You can’t run away from this and expect things to get better.”
“I’m not running away.”
“Uh-huh. Right.” He huffs impatiently. “Look, I’m trying to get back on track too, you know? But I… I can’t do this alone. You need to get with the program too, C.” That’s the first hint he’s given that maybe he’s struggling as well.
“I know. I’m doing my best.” My voice shakes and I sound like a scared kid. But the heat of his body near mine and the familiar, alpha scent of him messes with my head.
“It shouldn’t be this fucking difficult.” He sounds angry, but when I glance up, he looks more confused than anything.
