Page 16 of Best Friends
He steps a little closer. “Why?”
I sigh, meeting his puzzled gaze. “Because I’m confused as to why it happened at all. Why’d you suggest it and why the fuck did I go along with it?”
His cheeks look even redder. “I’m not sure. I mean, we were drunk.” He rubs his jaw. “That obviously contributed.”
“Yeah. But no matter how blitzed I’ve been in the past, I’ve never had the urge to be with a guy before.” As the admission leaves my lips, I realize it actually feels really good to finally say that aloud. Malcolm has been acting so nonchalant about what happened, it made me feel like something was wrong with me for being freaked out.
“Okay.”
I grimace. “I’ve never wanted another guy before. Never, Malcolm. Not once has it ever occurred to me to suck another guy’s dick.”
A muscle works in his cheek, but then he sighs. “Yeah, I… I know. Me neither.”
“So then, why’d we go there?” I ask plaintively. “It makes no sense to me.”
He drops his chin and sighs. “I’m not sure what made me suggest that.” For once, he sounds as confused as I feel. His face is tight and I can see he’s struggling with his words. “It didn’t feel wrong in the moment. To be honest, even now, the only problem I have with it happening is that you’re upset. That’s what’s bothering me. It’s not that we did it. It’s that you’re upset about it.”
“I’m not upset. I… I’m confused.”
“How can I help you?” His gaze is sincere. “I don’t want to lose your friendship, C. I can’t lose your friendship. So how do I help you get past what we did with each other?”
I rub my face, trying to organize my scattered thoughts. “Hell if I know.”
“Do you have concerns? Worries?” He nudges.
I shrug and meet his gaze. “I suppose I do have some questions.”
He crosses his arms. “Okay, shoot. You can ask me anything.”
I hesitate. “Well… now that you did that with me… do… do you… um… want other guys now too?”
He gives a sharp laugh. “Hell no.”
“No?” I’m surprised by the relief that washes through me. It’s hard enough watching him with women, but it might be even harder if he was hitting on men in front of me too.
“I have no attraction to other guys.” He rubs the back of his neck, grimacing. “I liked it with you though. I won’t lie. It was hot. But, so far, I don’t want any other guy.”
“Okay.”
He shifts uneasily. “Would it bother you if I did?”
The idea of him with some dude makes my jaw tighten. “Honestly, I’m not sure how I’d feel if I saw you hitting on some guy. I’m not saying that’s your problem, I’m just being honest.” I’m not about to mention how much I hate watching him with women too. That isn’t something I want to bring up.
“Full disclosure…” He watches me under his brow. “It would mess with my head if I saw you with another guy too.”
My chest tightens at his admission. It’s weirdly comforting to hear that. At least I’m not alone in this. “Would it?”
“Yeah.” He rubs the back of his neck, appearing muddled.
“So what do we do now?” I ask quietly. “How do we go back to the way it was?”
“I’m not sure.” He brightens. “Maybe we should go on a double date or something? Like old times.”
“A double date?” I grit my teeth. He has no idea I’m struggling with women hitting on him, and I’m not ready to admit that either.
“Sure.” He nods. “We used to do it all the time. It might be just the thing we need to get back to normal.”
“Maybe,” I mutter, literally hating the idea.
