Page 194 of Between Passion and Revenge: Part Two
Axel sighs.
“One, it’sUkrainian.Two, he has a name, it’s Misha. And three?—”
I give him a hard look.
“I’ll get in touch with him,” he finishes.
I leave the room without trying to talk to the two of them any longer, my heart rate increasing with every step toward my empty room.
Things just got substantially more dangerous, and when I need to be on the same page with Shae the most, we’re living the most apart.
Fuck.
I fall into my bed and close my eyes, breathing in the fabric that still holds the faintest traces of Shae. Pretty soon, it’ll be gone, and I’ll have to face that I don’t have her next to me.
I’ll have to accept that whether she comes to me or not isn’t in my control. And I’ll have to live with that.
FORTY-FOUR
SHAE
“You can’t outsource this decision, bestie. I’m sorry,” Yennifer says, true remorse coating her voice. Even though I know what she’s saying is right, it doesn’t take the sting out of her words.
“I-I’m not trying to?—”
“Yes, you are. And I understand you, babe. It’s okay. But this is your life, your kids’ lives. You’re the decision-maker, and you can’t crowdsource your future.”
I look up at the sky, closing my eyes as a slight breeze comes through the trees. This part of Storm’s garden feels like a fever dream. I followed the cobblestone path under an ivy-laden arch and stepped into a different world—one where the bushes are covered with roses and all kinds of flowers I can’t name, and vines crawl up the sides of the tucked-away buildings.
It’s overgrown, as if it weren’t thought about beyond keeping the pathway clear, but I can tell someone who loved this space placed every flower with care.
“Give yourself a deadline,” Yennifer says through my AirPods. “You’re miserable right now, stressed beyond belief, and if you ever want tonotfeel that way, you need to choose.”
I swallow and bring my head level, starting my walk again.
Again, she’s right. It’s been weeks since Storm drew the line in the sand, and I’ve been avoiding him as much as is humanly possible. Over the last several days, I’ve vacillated between complete despair and longing for him, and self-righteous indignation over his actions and hisattitudetoward them.
My mind has been a hellscape, and with most of the office closed due to Zane’s death, I’ve had ample time to wallow in my thoughts.
“Today,” I say, turning a bend. A tall, industrial-looking building appears a few feet ahead of me, previously hidden by the trees on my walk. I don’t know if it’s the way the sun hits the glass walls or what, but something calls me to go inside.
“Today?” Yenn asks, and I clear my throat, straightening but not moving closer.
Not yet.
“I’ll decide today. By sundown,” I say. It’s six p.m., and there are a few hours until nightfall.
Yennifer is silent over the line, but I don’t mind her quiet. Finally, she says, “I love you, Shae. You’ve got this, and I’m behind you, whatever you decide.”
Tears welling in my eyes, I smile, even though she can’t see me.
“Ditto, babe,” I reply.
After we hang up, I stuff the earbuds in my pocket. I stand still to study the building, and I have no clue why, but a wave of calm washes over me. Maybe that’s why it’s calling to me.
Lord knows I need a moment of peace.
I’m surprised and grateful that the sliding doors open easily when I push on the frame.
