Page 320 of Affair
It's daunting.
And I can’t damn you to that.
Please know that if I get back here, I hope you won’t hate me. I hope you’ll see me again, and you’ll not want to pretend I never existed. If you do, I understand. I left after I begged you to stay and got angry with you for wanting to do what I ended up choosing.
I’m not as strong as you.
Not even close.
What you’ve survived…
I’m envious, Gamble. I don’t know how I’ll survive this. I just buried Hemmingway, and now, I have to go look at the bodies of my parents and put them in the ground.
I’ve never felt so alone and scared in my whole life. You don’t need me to save you anymore, Gamble. You saved yourself. Now, I have to be as strong as you and face my fears. I’m afraid of what this place will make of me, and how it will twist my soul into jagged pieces. Going back there will hollow me out, and the only thing I’ll have left is that one perfect day on the run with you.
It's all I’ll hold onto.
I can’t make you live through the hell that’s coming for me. I can’t make you experience how horrible the upper echelon of that society is, and howthey’ll torture you every single second of the day for loving me.
They’ll eviscerate you to the point you’ll grow to hate me. I can’t bear that.
I love you too much.
Like you said, Gamble, my love, you’re a ghost. Being with me would be like forcing you into the view of every tabloid, every paper, and every gawking asshole who wanted to benefit from our love. You’d be forced to live in that light.
In the spotlight.
My burden is to carry my father’s title. It’s not your burden to bear. Know that every night, I’ll dream about you, and I’ll think about what I had, and how I miss it. I’ll go to bed lonely and empty knowing what we shared. My vow to you is that I’ll never love again.
You were it.
I promise.
You’re the most amazing soul, Gamble Holloway. I didn’t deserve a second with you, and I was given the gift of a lifetime.
I got to experience true love.
Please take care of Rufus and the horses. I’m leaving the house, the farm, and everything to you. I know they’ll be loved with you, and safe.
In case I never get back.
I’m sorry that I hurt you, and please know that this breaks me in ways I’ve never felt in my life. I was free, and I found the most amazing love, only to have it destroyed by duty.
And that kills my heart.
I love you, Captain Gamble Holloway.
~You are my heart, my life, my one and only thought.~ Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.
Forever,
Your Poe.’
When he read the words, he closed the note.
“So it was a goodbye. He went home? Without me?” he asked, still not believing it.
Elizabeth knew this could go one of two ways. In the favor of love, or in the favor or rage. So, she began fighting for both of them.
