Page 153 of Unmasking Love
This is the first time in my career I am focused on the game in front of me, not the trade rumors.
I could still get traded. Harper and I would have to figure that out over the summer. But one way or another, the season will be over in two weeks and in three we're headed to Europe.
So, this year if I get traded I'll have Harper with me.
One thing at a time.
I'm pulled back to the present when Felix starts playing Cotton Eyed Joe and guys start throwing rolls of tape and towels at him.
"Dude, you know I love this song," Bryson says. "But read the room, we're too nervous tonight."
"Which is exactly why we need it! If you want to get any ice time tonight you'll dance."
I watch as the room slowly shuffles to life. When Duncan and Emmett swing each other by the elbows the team becomes more animated and loose.
"You too, Young Gun!" Felix calls as he shimmies in my direction.
"No way man," I laugh.
"You're already breaking your mental prep routine by laughing at us, c'mon, one hip shake."
With a reluctant smile on my face I stand and the group cheers. Fancy footwork is difficult since I'm already in my pads but I am able to rock side to side. The team cheers and I feel some of the tension leave my shoulders as I laugh too.
The song wraps up and Felix waves everyone into the center of the room.
"Let's fucking destroy them." he says, quietly. It's a little disturbing.
The team grunts out a collective "Yeah" and break the huddle.
I finish getting into my gear before taking the ice for warmups.
The United Center feels smaller tonight.
As I skate around the away team's zone I remember what it felt like to take this ice for the first time. It was my first NHL experience and I spent the entire game half focused on my heart beat.
I knew what a big deal this was and I didn't want to blow it, but I was also waiting for it to get ripped away from me, again.
The team won that game and I remember settling into games more easily with each one I played.
After being traded the first time I had to reframe my mental state again and that too got easier over time.
Mostly because I isolated myself.
D.C. has been different. And I'll be devastated if I can't play for this team again next year.
My brain stays clouded with memories and worries for the future as I take a few shots. More make it past me than normal and I see Crosby give me a questioning look.
"You good man?" he asks as I skate out to stretch.
"Yeah, just in my head a little bit."
"What'll get you out of your head?" He asks.
Harper.
I don't say it out loud so Crosby continues, "Well, whatever it is, make it happen so we can win this fucking thing."
I nod and take a lap around the boards and slow down behind my net. There are fans banging the glass and yelling behind me but I'm not in the mood.
