Page 109 of Unmasking Love
Our eyes connect and I watch as his morph from playful, to questioning, to gentle and that’s the look that breaks my resolve.
“Is it true you could be traded any day?”
“Where is this coming from?”
“I want to know. Are you leaving? You’ve been traded before, a lot.”
“I have,” I see a shadow cross over his face and I hate that I’m responsible for putting it there. He sticks his hands in his pockets and looks away for a moment before turning back to me. “Honestly? Yes, it’s possible I get traded any day."
I sink down to the arm of the chair because my legs aren’t as steady as they were. Aiden could go. He could leave. And this relationship we’re building would return to dust. And the friendships I’m just starting to build would be ripped away too.
Maybe I really am my mother. It seems everything in my life is revolving around a man at the moment.
That man walks over and kneels in front of me. He gently places his hands on my hips and his warm palms are soothing but gut wrenching.
“What’s going on Harper?” He asks quietly.
I fixate on my fingers in my lap but eventually lift my chin and meet his cerulean eyes.
“I really like you.” I start with.
“I really like you too,” he says immediately.
“And, I’m making girlfriends.”
“You sound sad about that.”
“I have a history with girls.”
“What do you mean?”
How do I explain this without telling him absolutely every dark thing about me and my past? I don’t want him to see me any differently because of how I was raised. And there’s a chance he’ll be meeting my mom in a few days and the less everyone knows about the other, the better.
But when Aiden reaches up and thumbs away a tear that’s leaked from my eye, I remember that he’s already seen some of my uglier life events. That he has never passed judgement on me. That he has secrets, too.
And if I want him to open up and trust me, maybe I’ll have to go first.
“My mom slept with my friend’s dad.”
“When?” Aiden asks as his posture stiffens.
“We were in seventh grade. My friend found out and then when her parents got divorced she blamed it on my mom. On me.”
I let out a sigh and Aiden stands. He moves my beach bag off the chair, takes a seat, and then pulls me down into his lap. I tuck my legs up and he wraps his warm, strong arms around me.
When he presses a kiss to my temple I continue. “She convinced everyone in school I was a whore, like my mother, and I was ostracized. No one would talk to me. And I didn’t get to change schools for another four years.”
“I’m sorry that happened to you.” Aiden whispers. “What brought all this up today?”
I inhale. “I’m not sure exactly. Probably just hanging out with girls. I am always waiting for someone to make a sly comment or for me to mess up and lose their friendship.”
Aiden nods and brushes a piece of hair behind my ear.
“I’ve always worried about the way my teammates see me.” He says and I shift to look into his eyes. “I don’t want them to see me as weak or a liability.”
Aiden breaks his eye contact and glances down at his chest. Carefully I place my hand over his scar and he piles his hand on top of mine. When he looks back up at me I don’t see the sadness, fear, or anxiety that I am expecting. Instead I see happiness, joy, and hope.
“This group has been different. This locker room is special. I’m not sure what Felix has the staff put in the water bottles but everyone is friendly and puts the team above the individual. Now, I don’t know their wives and girlfriends all that well, but I have to imagine these guys are only dating the highest caliber of women.”
