Page 10 of What Happened to Lucy Vale
@badprincess:Tell us everything you filthy ho
@kash_money:oh wow
@kash_money:Hi Evie
@badprincess:Or i will curse you to find a pubic hair in every cookie from now until eternity
@kash_money:man I missed the internet
Akash’s first encounter with the new girl was pretty much as he’d described via @moonovermatter’s account. According to Akash, he’d woken up to loud music—“1970s headbangers, like you’d hear at a strip club,” he told us, which just showed he’d never been to one—sometime before 9:00 a.m.
Originally he’d assumed that the source of the noise was the utilities van he’d spotted, parked on the gravel service road that divided his property from the backyard of the Faraday House. He didn’t think anything of the fact that a satellite TV operator was parked just outside its gates. Plenty of delivery trucks and service vans parked there rather than in the cul-de-sac where Akash’s trigger-happy neighbor was always threatening to shoot out the windows of any vehicle that obscured his driveway. So Akash had stomped over expecting to find some dude with a mullet napping in the front seat, only to find the van empty and a girl marooned in the wilderness of the Faraday backyard, cheerfully breaking down boxes with a straight razor.
Lucy Vale, Akash said, seemed pretty nice.
We asked if Lucy Vale was pretty. Akash said she was pretty enough. We asked what that meant. Spinnaker suggested he give us a number, one through ten.
Akash refused. We attacked Spinnaker for sexism. Lucy wasn’t a used car model.
We asked Akash to describe her. His response was unsatisfactory: Lucy wasn’t tall, and she wasn’t short. She wasn’t thin, and she wasn’t plus. Her hair was brownish. Not long. Not super short. But shortish. Maybe. We suspected Akash was biased. The Sandhus were Sikh, and when they said long hair, they meant long. His older sister Rivka’s ponytail swung like a metronome, all the way down to her ass.
@nononycky:so ... Lucy Vale is a girl
@nononycky:with a face
@nononycky:and some hair
@nononycky:that’s what we got so far
@safireswiftly:no offense @kash_money, but this is why you suck at creative writing
Akash took offense. He said if we wanted to know what Lucy looked like, we could follow her on Instagram. Shoot, we could introduce ourselves in person. We all knew where she lived.
No, he absolutely was not going to introduce us. How would he introduce us? He’d met her for all of ten minutes.
Yes, they were following each other on Instagram. She’d asked for his handle, so she would feel like she knew someone.
But she didn’t. Know him. Or any of us. Or anyone.
She wasn’t shy. But she wasn’t, like, crazy talkative. They’d talked a little bit about music, and a lot about garden gnomes. But the whole conversation was ten minutes. Maybe less. He was still in basketball shorts, the T-shirt he’d slept in, and flip-flops he’d grabbed on his way out the door. He hadn’t even put in his contacts yet. We’d never seen Akash in glasses, and he wouldn’t send us a picture.
Layla Lewis asked if, in fact, the Vales had brought a cat.
@kash_money:yes. Maybe
@mememeup:which is it?
@kash_money:I mean she does have a cat, Maybe
@mememeup:bro
@lululemonaide:I’m confused
@kash_money:I mean Lucy Vale has a cat, named Maybe. Lucy introduced me
@nononycky:oh god. She’s one of those.
@skyediva:what isThatsupposed to mean?
