Page 206 of Breaking the Pucking Rules
“Mostly, I’m just shocked that grumpy Kodie Rivers is willing to dirty talk and jerk off on camera.”
“You make it sound so…”
“Dirty?” she asks.
“Well, yeah.”
“It is. It’s dirty, filthy, hot, kinky?—”
“Okay, okay,” I laugh. “I get it. You know, you sure sound a little jealous.”
“Of hot-as-hell phone sex? Of course I am. I can’t even find anyone decent to do it with in person, let alone via video.”
“There are plenty of interested guys out there, P.”
“Mmm. Have you seen them, though? They’re not exactly the quality I’m after.”
“Maybe if you were less picky.”
“Oh, that’s rich. How many guys have you turned down because they’re not your beloved Kodie?”
“Okay, could you make me sound like any more of a stalker? And, I’ll have you know, I’ve never turned down a guy because they’re not him. I’ve never been under any illusions that I had a chance with him. All of this…it’s a dream. I keep thinking that I’m going to wake up and discover that none of it was real.”
“I can assure you, it’s real,” she says, finishing her mimosa.
“Yeah, but for how long? This past week and a half have been great. We’ve…enjoyed ourselves. But it can’t last, surely? He’s going to come back, life will get busy with Sutton, and?—”
“What did he say when you told him about coaching her team?”
“Uh…”
“Casey,” she chastises.
“I know,” I sigh. “I know, okay? I just…what if he calls it off because I’m her coach now?”
“And what if he doesn’t?”
“I…” I pause, attempting to imagine my life without Kodie in it. Without trying, he’s become such a massive part of my every day. He’s always in my thoughts. If I’m not reflecting on one of our many exchanges, then I’m scheming up what I’m going to do or say next. It’s become an obsession.
The nights he’s traveling or too busy to call or message, I feel like someone has removed a limb. It’s ridiculous, because it’s only been a few weeks since the masquerade ball. We’ve only been together twice. But…it’s just so right. Everything with him is so easy.
“I know I should have told him. And I will.”
“When?”
I shrug.
“When the time is right.”
“Casey, you can’t have him just turn up to practice and see you there. You’ll totally blindside him.”
“I know. I’ll tell him before Wednesday’s practice,” I assure her, but even as I say the words, nerves flutter inside me.
The thought of telling him and him calling time on this…fuck, it’ll kill me.
I know I’m going to have to let him go at some point. But I’m not ready yet.
Honestly, I’m not sure I’ll ever be.
