Page 11 of Anders and the Girl Worth Fighting For
“No, but your mom did.”
He just rolled his eyes in response.
“I love you guys,” I said, after enjoying another slice of pizza.I never doubted these guys had my back, and I’m glad they didn’t hate me after getting them booted from the Marines.
“How much morphine have you had?” Duke asked as he got up and inspected my IV drip like he knew what he was looking for. Maybe he did.
“Tons, I think.” I laughed off my sentimental mood. The world glowed, but I didn’t think it was just the morphine coursing through me.
Chapter Five
You’re not even listening to me, are you?” Bill’s raised voice finally cut through my focus.
“Where’s my necklace?” I interrupted whatever he was complaining about. I had been dressing for the day, despite not having any plans to leave the house, just as Bill demanded I do, and couldn’t find the necklace I wore nearly every day.
“What?” He stood on the other side of the room, but I still saw him flinch in the reflection of the mirror above my dresser.
“My necklace. The one from my grandma. I always keep it right here in my jewelry box and it’s not here.” I turned to him to see what he would say. He turned away and started packing his suitcase.
“I have no idea what necklace you are talking about.” He didn’t look at me while he said this, like folding his socks required all of his concentration. “Anyway, I’m going to be gone for a week, ministering in West Virginia,” he said, trying to change the subject. Whatever he had to complain about taking a back seat to whatever he tried to hide now. I wasn’t giving up that easily. Not about this. Not anymore.
“You know what necklace I’m talking about. I wear it every day,” I continued to press him. “The heart-shaped hummingbird locket I got from my grandma when I was a child and have worn every day since. That necklace, Bill.” Rage coursed through me, lighting a fire I didn’t know I had. How dare he pretend he didn’tknow what I was talking about? “I put it back in my jewelry box last night. Where is it?” I yelled. I never yelled at Bill. Part of me couldn’t believe what was coming out of my mouth. The rest of me just wanted my necklace back.
“Grace,” he said in a placating tone, his hands raised like he could physically push down my anger. “You’re overreacting. You must still be upset over your grandma’s passing. Maybe you put it somewhere and don’t remember.” He didn’t bother to help me find it. He just gave me a patronizing look, like I was too dumb to know what I did with my own necklace, and turned back to his packing.
“I’m not overreacting. I know where I put it.” My patience was gone by now and I wanted to reach out and throw his clothes all over the room just so he would stop focusing on that and answer my question. I knew that would get me nowhere, so I took a deep breath and continued. “I know where I put my necklace. I put it in the exact same spot every day,” I said as calmly as I could. Iknewwhere I had put it. It was the most important and valuable thing I owned.
“I don’t have time for your hysterics,” he said as he finally zipped up his suitcase. “The necklace didn’t look good on you, anyway.” He lifted his suitcase and made his way to the bedroom door.
“I’m not hysterical. I’m upset and I would like to know what happened to my necklace.” I didn’t let it go. I couldn’t let it go.
“Look, Grace, I don’t have time for this. My rideshare is here to take me to the airport.” He came towards me to give me a kiss and I ducked out of the way last minute, so the kiss landed on my head.
“Just tell me where my necklace is. Please?” I hated how pathetic I sounded right then, how I had to beg for information from my husband.
He didn’t bother answering this time. He just left mestanding there on the edge of tears. This was a familiar scene. I had been left crying more times than I can count in this marriage.
I hated him. I’m not sure when I came to this, this hatred for a man I once loved. Maybe I never really loved him. I was so young when we met and married. Encouraged along by my stepdad, George, with my mom cheering from the sidelines.
“Oh, look at you two. So handsome together,” she would say as she beamed at us before we set off on dates. For the first time in a long time, my mom had looked at me with pride. Any doubts I had about Bill were wiped away by the smile on her face.
I sat at my vanity and stared at my reflection. Tears streamed down my face. I waited for the inevitable panic attack to come. It didn’t. Defeat crushed even that, and hopelessness reigned. I slumped in my chair, unable to look at my tear-stained face any longer. White drew my attention where it peeked out of the drawer I’d left open, looking for my necklace.
Anders.
I could see the words now. He’d written them so many times.Your husband’s an asshole.I laughed. Hysterically. I couldn’t stop it as it bubbled up from somewhere deep inside me. It was like the panic, as I seemed to have no control over it, but it was so completely different. Joy and freedom rang through the sound, providing exactly the catharsis I needed to clear my head.
Billwasan asshole. Why hadn’t I seen it before?
I thought of all the excuses I’d provided for him over the years and wondered whether I was the only one who didn’t see his behavior for what it was. Neglectful at best and abusive at worst. I was a fool, but a fool that could now do something about the shambles of my life.
My laughter had died down, leaving only the ruins of a life I used to want, but never really had.
One week.
I had one week to decide what do to now. I knew from experience that Bill wouldn’t bother calling while he was gone and he wouldn’t answer if I called him, which I wouldn’t be doing. I looked around my room and wondered if I should stay here and kick him out, or leave myself. Nothing in here was work saving, but I didn’t know where I would go, who I could go to for help.
I thought of calling my mom first, but dismissed the idea. It hurt to admit this, but I knew my mom would take Bill’s side in the divorce.
