Page 31 of Duke's Daring Bookworm
I had a feeling that once we crossed that last line, there would be no going back. Not for me. I survived until now ‘just friends’ because I hadn’t had a taste ofher. I hadn’t heard her whimpers—caused her whimpers, but now… fuck, now she wants more.
The way she sank into me, all boneless and happy—shit. She fit so god damn perfectly in my arms. Then I had to go and fuck it up by telling her no. I didn’t know how I even managed it, and in the end, it didn’t matter because the way her shoulders slumped while she quietly accepted my answer destroyed my sanity.
Tomorrow night.
Fuck.
I needed to get control of myself.
“This is my rifle. There are many like it, but this one is mine,” I muttered the Rifleman’s Creed to myself. Nothing killed my libido faster than remembering being half-starved and worked to the bone. “My rifle is my best friend. It is my life…”
No, something in me whispered,Lily is your best friend. Lily is your life.
I shook my head and took a deep breath, trying to focus, trying to forget.
“I must master it as I must master my life.” I snorted under my breath. Nothing about this situation was me ‘mastering my life.’
At least my cock had softened.
The sound of music and the smell of alcohol permeated the air around me. A museum fundraiser isn’t the Purple Haze, but the people in the main hall still wanted a good time.
I couldn’t bring myself to go back there. I’d already planned on making a sizable donation to the museum’s archive department, like I have every year since Lily started working here. Not that she knew that. I didn’t need some party to celebrate it, but the thought of seeing Lily tonighthad me pulling this ridiculous suit from my closet before I could second guess myself.
I knew how good I looked in it, and I wanted her to see me like this. I pictured her on my arm in something equally fine, fitted to her exactly, showing off just how gorgeous she was. My hindbrain didn’t stop to think that she worked here and would be dressed accordingly.
I rubbed my chest, feeling uncomfortable with the disparity between us. It had never mattered before. I wanted to make it up to her somehow. I just didn’t know how.
I pushed off the wall and made my way to the nearest exit door, uninterested in weaving through the revelers in the main hall. Besides, some fresh air might do me good.
Night had come, and the city lay down to rest. Savannah was still small enough that it offered peace in the dark. The breeze tonight came from the west, driving the dank, marshy smell that came from the river away for the night and bringing with it a fresh clarity I needed.
Whatever I did with Lily, I couldn’t disappoint her. The same determination that pushed me when I joined the Marines straightened my spine and filled me with resolve.
I could do this. I’d taken a lot worse punishment than a beautiful woman begging me for sex—the very woman I’d been quietly dreaming of for years.
I didn’t need to figure out my life, the future, any of it. All I needed to do was let her explore and experiment with the one thing I was very good at.
My apartment wasn’t far from the museum, so I messaged Jenkins that I would walk home. It was a testament to my odd behavior lately that he didn’t even question it.
Music drifted from one place I passed. A low voicecrooned about what could have been and what could still be. I wanted to linger, to lose myself in the music, but dwelling on it would likely just mess with the equilibrium that my walk was supposed to provide.
Midnight, my cat, greeted me with a heartyrrweowwhen the elevator to my apartment opened, protesting that his food dish only had food on the edges of it and not in the middle. He rubbed along my legs, twining himself through them, likely to trip me and put me out of my misery.
I bent over and picked him up. He’d adjusted well to the high life here and had become so picky with his food that only the best would do. I couldn’t blame him after living on scraps in the desert for so long. Who wouldn’t want a decent retirement?
“Hey, buddy. I’m not going to be here tomorrow night. Don’t pester Betty. She comes to clean and feed you, not play.” I scratched him behind his ear as I filled him in. “I’m staying with Lily, and I don’t want to hear about it. I’ve already beaten myself up enough as it is. I don’t need your judgment as well.”
He rubbed his cheek along my hand, begging for more attention. His strong purr soothed me, and I felt my shoulders relax for the first time since I left Lily, only slightly rumpled, at her office.
As soon as I gave Midnight his tuna and caviar, I messaged Ethan to add Lily to the list for the upcoming Pennington Industries annual charity gala as my guest, and then messaged my grandfather’s personal shopper for help with getting her styled for the event.
I knew Lily would be overwhelmed if I left getting a dress up to her and I wanted her to enjoy our date. Not that she agreed to a date or even knows it’s happening. I considered how to ask her. Naked, drowsy from pleasure, and willingto do anything would guarantee that she would say yes.
Dates weren’t technically part of our deal, but after she’d admitted to having so many bad ones, I wanted to make sure she had at least one good one, so she knew what standard she should hold men to.
I ignored the part of me that raged at the idea of her dating anyone else.She was mine, it said, as it clawed its way to the surface. After more than a decade of fighting it back, the feeling was easy enough to ignore now.
So, I would ask her in a post-orgasmic haze and pray she didn’t reject me outright.
