Page 21 of Duke's Daring Bookworm
“Drop it, Frankie. He’s not going to hurt me.” This was an old, tired fight between us, and I didn’t want to go over this again. Especially not if she was just going to use it against me—and him.
“Dinner’s done!” My mom called from the table, keeping her from saying whatever she had opened her mouth to say.
“I hope you know what you are doing,” she said as we walked to the table
“I always do.”
“Liar.”
We sat down in our chairs. The same chairs we have been sitting in for family dinner night for almost fifteen years now. The routine of it relaxed me, and for the first time since stepping into my parents’ house, I felt close to calm. Which is good, because my mom made a different sauce and still expected me to eat it with a smile.
Chapter Eight
Tonight was the night.
We were going to have sex.
I paced my living room in my best summer dress. A knee length, cream colored one covered in sunny yellow daisies. The top had been designed to tie together over my breasts and leave just a little peek at my cleavage, but Frankie tied each side to the wide set straps, leaving absolutely nothing to the imagination, no matter how much I protested at the exposure. Duke didn’t need a show. We had a deal.
One month. Just friends.
I spun the puzzle cube in my hands as I paced to keep them busy so I wouldn’t mess up my lightly curled hair. Frankie said it looked hot without looking like I tried too hard. It took her an hour and three hair products to do before she excused herself for the night and left me alone to stress.
Something skittered along my spine, either nerves or excitement, and I didn’t know whether I should run away or jump him the second he walked into the room. I asked for this, but feelings seldom made sense, especially my own.
Either way, a fluttery sensation worked through me. The same one that cropped up every time I thought of the kiss. I knew I would wear a hole in my floor if I kept going, but I just couldn’t sit still.
I was so lost in my own thoughts that I didn’t hear the door open. It wasn’t until Duke touched my arm that I realized I wasn’t alone anymore.
“Lily,” he said in a tone that sounded like he had said it already. “You ok? We don’t have to do this.”
“I want to. I’m just excited… or nervous. Maybe both. I’m not sure.” I turned to face Duke and tossed the puzzle cube to the side, not bothering to pay attention to where it landed. “I’m definitely feeling things about it, but that alone makes me want to do it more.”
I blushed, feeling off center at the intense way he looked at me that made me feel bare, like I was already naked and I… liked the idea.
His eyes ran up my dress—my body—snagging on my cleavage. I swear he muttered something about fucking milkmaids, but I couldn’t be sure. Before I could ask, he shook himself and pulled his phone out of his pocket, his attention caught by whatever it said.
“Ok, now, tell me, what the fuck is this?” He turned his phone to me. He pulled up the email I sent detailing what I wanted to try, what I was curious about, and what I definitely didn’t want to even come close to trying. I didn’t expect us to do everything on my long list, but I thought it would be… helpful to have it. Now, I was worried that I did something wrong.
“I thought I said that in the subject line.”
Anxiety pricked at me. He would back out now. Too weird. I knew I should have just kept it all to myself. I moved back, and he reached out to stop me.
“Sexual Positions and Scenarios Categorized by Curiosity Level and Potential Tolerance,” he quoted. He didn’t even look at his phone first. He memorized it. A little thrill ran through me when he didn’t immediately dismiss it, but instead took the time to memorize the subject. Did he memorize all of it? Did he even read it?
“Yes. I know it’s probably not normal, but I wanted to be clear about what I ex—wanted and nothing about any of this is normal anyway, so I figured I might as well put it all out there. Do you have a list? Things that you like and things you don’t.” I was babbling. He knew what the goddamn list was, but I couldn’t make my mouth stop moving.
“Your safe word is pineapple?” He raised an eyebrow at me, his hand still on my arm and a small smile playing on his lips.
“Yes,” I squeaked. I cleared my throat and nodded my head. “What’s yours?” I sounded so stilted and awkward to my own ears. I felt awkward. “We should be able to still have… ground rules or boundaries. Can we have boundaries with something like this? Yes. Right?”
“Deep breaths, Lily.” He breathed with me and the world steadied. I didn’t realize it wasn’t stable until then. “I’ve never needed a safe word before.”
“Oh.”
Shit.
This was not going well. I didn’t expect that. Oh god, he probably thought I was a freak now. He was going to call this off and that would be it. My window for… this would beover. My only chance was slipping away from me, and I didn’t know how to grab it back.
