Page 14 of Jessica and the Jarhead
“Then don’t,” I begged.
“I don’t want to hurt you.” Her voice was soft and pleading.
“Then don’t.”
She was shaking her head. Clearly, I hadn’t done enough to convince her. Clearly, she was holding something back. I just stood there waiting for her to fill the silence.
“I’m a mess, Charles!” She finally cried out, tears coming down in earnest. I waited for her to explain what she meant. “I’m a mess and I was never good enough for you and you were going off to join the Marines and my mom left on prom night and all I could think about was how I didn’t get to have good things and if I kept you —” Her voice broke, and she needed a minute to continue. “If I kept you forever, you’d be stuck with a broken girl.”
She was crying so hard now. I knew it would be useless to tell her how amazing she was, so instead, I held her and let her cry.
“And you’re so — so perfect, and I’m a mess. I was so anxious and afraid.” She kept going as I ran my hands up and down her back. She was shaking, whether from the cold of the wall or the sobs coming from her. I didn’t know.
“I’m not perfect,” I finally said. It was probably the least helpful thing I could have said. “I know exactly who you are, Jess. I’ve always known who you are.” She continued sobbing, and I didn’t let her go. I held her like it would be the last time I would feel her. Hell, if I couldn’t get her to see reason, maybe it would be.
“It’s too late,” she said, and I pulled back to look at her.
“What do you mean?” My heart broke. “Is there someone else?”
“Someone else?” She sounded incredulous, but I didn’t understand why.
“If there’s someone else, just tell me.” I didn’t mean to sound pained, but it came out like that, anyway.
“Come on, Charles. You have perfect eyesight. You can see me. Are you really going to stand there and ask if there is someone else?” I looked down at her, but still couldn’t figure out what she was talking about. She was the most beautiful woman I’d ever known. Any man would be lucky to sleep at her feet. “I’m fat,” she said bluntly, when I still didn’t understand.
“I don’t see why that matters,” I said, still confused. Didn’t she own a mirror? Couldn’t she see for herself how beautiful she was?
“Don’t see how that matters? I’m basically invisible, but I accepted that. I threw myself into my business and found meaning there, but I don’t have men beating down my door.” Good, fewer men I’d have to beat down. “Then here you are, perfect as usual. So perfect it hurts. How am I supposed to measure up to that? How am I supposed to be good enough?”She was crying again, but I couldn’t just stand here and listen to this anymore.
“I’m hardly perfect. Do you know why I’ve bulked up? These aren’t exactly military approved muscles.” I ran my hands down her sides while I asked the question.
She shook her head.
“So I can do this.” I lifted her then and pushed her against the wall. Her legs wrapped around me and the heat of her pressed against me exactly where I wanted it most. I moved my hands to her ass and pulled her in tighter. I was so hard it bordered on painful.
She let out a startled yelp. Her eyes were wide. Our faces were level with each other, and I leaned in close.
“I have never stopped thinking about you, never stopped following your life. Hell, I’ll even admit I stalked your social media, and I dreamed. I dreamed of lifting you up and fucking you hard, of hearing you scream my name, of holding you close and never letting you go. So I got strong, strong enough to fuck you how you deserve. I worked my way up in the Marines so I could provide for you. I did all this, became all this, for you. So I could finally have you.”
I didn’t wait for her response, and instead I crushed my mouth to hers. She had opened it in surprise and I didn’t hesitate to thrust my tongue in where it belonged. There was only one place I could think that would be a better home for it. She kissed me back. Her hands weaving into my hair and pulled my head how she wanted. The fire that had always been between us roared its approval.
I could feel her moving, grinding herself on me, and I used my grip on her ass to move her along, encouraging her to find pleasure in me. I released her mouth and looking into her eyes. Her pupils were blown wide, the silver overtaken by the black of her pupil.
She was shaking her head.
“I didn’t know.”
“Angel.” She had stopped moving, so I let her down and brushed her hair from her face. “Talk to me. Tell me when you are afraid. I’m not going anywhere. You’re not going to lose me.” I cupped her cheek and tilted her head towards me. All the while, I ran my thumb along her lip, my hand spanning her jaw. I leaned in to kiss her again. This time I was less animal and more man. I teased her, nibbling on her lips, coaxing her to open to me. She didn’t hesitate to let me in and I groaned as I drank my fill of her.
Her hands had moved now to my shirt, lifting it and sliding her hands underneath, along my stomach, and up to my chest. She moaned, the sound needy and sweet.
“I want you, Charles,” she said, her voice husky and low.
“You have me, always.”
“I need to go slow,” she said, her words contradicting her actions, but I’d take anything as slow as she wanted.
“As long as you are mine, we can go at whatever pace you want.”
