Page 95 of Saving Sparrow
“When he’s moving inside me…” I trailed off, finding it hard to put into words, and also not wanting to for…reasons. “It can feel intense. I have to remind myself to relax sometimes because it’s just too much. Especially when he angles himself a certain way.” I closed my eyes, thinking about how it felt right before I came. “Feels like every nerve in my body is being tapped. It builds until it feels like I’m going crazy, like the sensations are too big for my body to contain.” I opened my eyes again, both Elliott and Quentin staring at me.
“It starts to feel like a race, like you’re about to explode and you want to hurry up and do it.” I wanted to use the orgasm he had in the shower as an example, but he’d looked more scared than blissed out. Maybe it hadn’t felt the same for him. “You stop caring about anything else, start saying things you normally wouldn’t say, asking for things you’dnormally be too embarrassed to ask for… At least that’s how it is for me. It’s just out of this world. You feel completely depleted when it’s over, but down to do it again the second you can. And when it’s not there anymore, when it’s gone—”
“He means when the big, bad dick is no longer dicking you down,” Quentin drawled like an asshole, clearly trying to scare Elliott.
I scowled at him before looking at Elliott’s flushed face again. “You feel empty, like a part of you is missing. Which is strange because sometimes when it’s in, it feels like it shouldn’t be there at all.” I shrugged, signaling the end of my horrible explanation about gay sex. If anything, Quentin should be happy. Elliott would never want to let anyone touch him now.
“S-sounds great.” Elliott swallowed.
“Did you forget the ‘it hurts like fuck’ part?” Quentin deadpanned. Elliott seemed oblivious to his obnoxiousness as he sat deep in thought, going over everything I’d said.
“Would you ever bottom?” he asked Quentin.
“Nope,” Quentin replied without missing a beat.
Elliott turned to me next, his voice lowering. “Would you ever top?”
He’d unknowingly asked me a loaded question. Quentin would never bottom, so I’d never get to top him. So, if I said yes, I would top, then Quentin would predictably think I wanted to fuck someone else. The truth was, I’d be open to it.
“I’m happy bottoming, but I don’t feel the need to pick a side. I bottom because he’s my top, and I love doing it.” That didn’t mean I wouldn’t enjoy topping too.
“Okay, I’ll be back,” Elliott said abruptly.
“Hey.” Quentin latched onto the hem of his dress to stop him from standing. “Where are you going?”
“Through the woods. I need to get something.” Through the woods meant he was headed to Amelia’s place. He called our house home.
“Why don’t you just move the rest of your shit over here?” Quentin asked for about the tenth time. “She’s never home—like, for real never home now that she has all your money—and she doesn’t even want you there. There’s aFor Salesign on the front lawn, for fuck’s sake. She doesn’t give a damn about you.” His rant was a bit aggressive, but he was scared and hurt right now.
Most of Elliott’s things were at our house anyway, but he liked to have an excuse to go through the woods for privacy sometimes. Those instances were rare, but they never failed to leave Quentin and me unbalanced. Quentin just sucked at not letting it show.
“I’ll be back. I promise.” Elliott tried to stand again, but Quentin held on tighter to his dress.
“Let him go, Quentin,” I said softly, touching his hand. Elliott clearly wanted space. He still got like that sometimes, even though recently he’d just go to a different room for a few minutes. I guess this time, he needed more space than this huge house provided.
Quentin didn’t argue with me, but he didn’t agree either. He was in a sour mood, and Elliott only now seemed to pick up on it.
“What’s wrong?” he asked him.
“Nothing,” Quentin grumbled.
Elliott watched him for a few moments, then smiled and whispered, “I’m gonna miss you too.” Getting to his knees, he kissed Quentin on his cheek. Quentin mumbled something unintelligible before grappling Elliott onto his lap for a bear hug.
“You’ve got one hour, then I’m hunting you down.”
“Promise?” Elliott grinned.
“I swear it on my fucking life.” Quentin pushed Elliott’s mop of red hair away from his face. Elliott kissed him again, then changed his clothes and dashed out of the bedroom.
Quentin headed over to the window to watch him exit the patio and rush past the tree line. The sun’s rays painted the room in shades of golden light as it set, illuminating Quentin’s grumpy face.
“What are you thinking?” I ran a hand through his hair.
“I’m thinking next he’s gonna want a boyfriend, and they’re gonna wanna spend time together, then they’re gonna wanna fuck.” He ground his teeth. “Between school and him fucking his asshat boyfriend, he’ll never have time for us.”
“We’re his friends. He’ll always make time for us.” To be honest, I felt the same way, but someone had to be Quentin’s voice of reason.
“Who’s gonna hold him when he wakes up screaming?” he whispered. “Not the asshat, that’s for sure.”
