Page 173 of Saving Sparrow
“Yeah, Q,” I whispered. “I do. But I’m partly to blame. I’ve been more than happy to let you do all the dirty work.”
He closed his eyes, and there was so much pain there when he reopened them. “How do we fix it?”
I’d been thinking about the answer to that all morning. “I think… I think we let him grow, and I think we should grow too.” Because Elliott might swear he’d never leave, but Quentin and I had first-hand experience of how fast that could change.
“Why are you so fucking wise? It makes me wanna puke.”
I laughed into his shoulder before taking the last swig of his nasty non-beer. Quentin set the empty bottle aside, pulling me onto his lap and threading his arms around my waist. His heart beat against my back as we fell into comfortable silence.
“Grow, huh?” he eventually asked.
“Yup. Big time.” I trailed my fingers up and down his forearms. “We let him have all the new experiences he wants, even sharing in some. And we find some new experiences of our own.”
“That’s gonna fucking hurt.”
“Until it doesn’t.”
Quentin pointed to a flock of birds, their bodies silhouettes against the sunlight. I pointed to the tallest building in the distance, awed by its height. Quentin promised to drive us past there later. We took bets on how many blocks away it was.
We spent the next hour or so getting lost in the most ordinary things, the way we used to as kids. We set our problems aside for a while and just enjoyed each other’s company.
“Love you, Guelly.” He kissed below my ear.
I twisted in his lap, grinning. “You know, I kind of miss the days when you were more creative with your declarations of love.”
He rolled his eyes. “I mature, there’s a problem. I don’t mature, there’s a problem. At least there’re no complaints in the fucking-you-good department.”
I chuckled. “Nope, no complaints there.”
“Okay, how about this?” His gaze turned intense. “Miguel McAllen, you’reeverythingto me. Sun, moon, and stars. The air that I breathe.” He inhaled deeply to drive it home.
“Wow,” I said on an exhale, “someone’s getting laid tonight.”
“Psh, I’d love to see you try to stop me.” He meant it too.
“I promise I will.”
Quentin bit down lightly on my finger when I trailed it across his lips. “I think I’m going to find her,” he said softly. “Maybe that can be an act of growth.”
“I think you should—if you’re ready.”
“Do you think she’s out there?” He looked at the sky. “Do you think she misses me?”
“It’d be impossible not to miss you. I bet you’re always on her mind.”
“Yeah? You think so?”
“Iknowso.”
“Then why didn’t she come back for me?”
Quentin claimed to understand why his mother left, claimed he didn’t blame her for staying away. This was the first time he’d ever let on that her leaving made him feel unloved. He was always so strong, the white knight. But right then he allowed me to see a weakness. It was the strongest I’d ever seen him.
“I guess we’re about to find out. Either way, you’re worth staying for, Q. Elliott knows that too.”
He kissed me, splaying a palm over my heart. Elliott’s phone pinged, and I fished it from my pocket.
“My phone’s home,” I said.
