Page 130 of Saving Sparrow
Fishing for compliments was impossible with him, but his grouchiness made me chuckle, so it was a win either way.
“Go work out and shower. There will be more peppers than chicken in the stew by the time you get back.”
“How do you know what I have planned?”
“Well, I saw you cleaning the backyard earlier, and you smell like lemon and pine now, so I’m guessing you already finished your inside chores. What’s left but to work out and shower? Then eat, of course.”
Sparrow grunted, glancing longingly at the peppers again before disappearing. He returned an hour later looking dewy and smelling minty. He wore a loose T-shirt and ripped jeans. His feet were bare, with his perfect toes peeking out from under the frayed, baggy hem. I used to kiss those toes.
I cleared my throat. “I thought we’d eat in here for a change.” I’d set the kitchen island, situating our place settings across from each other. “I’ve been keeping the food warm in the oven. Take a seat. I’ll make our plates.”
I kept stealing glances at him while we ate, smiling apologetically whenever I got caught. “I don’t see you out of your uniform much. Guess I’m just not used to it.”
“My uniform?” He set his fork down to give me his undivided attention. Nothing ever felt as intense as having his complete focus on me. I wanted to slip under the table to escape it, but I also wanted to drown in it.
“That’s what I call what you usually wear.”
“Oh.” He gave my response some thought. “It feels too heavy sometimes. Occasionally, I just want to feel… light.”
I loved it when he surprised me with his introspection. He’d shared details about Elliott with me, about both their pasts, and about their parents. But he didn’t often speak about himself as an individual, about his own emotions, his vulnerabilities, what scared him, and what brought him joy. I’d mostly had to assume his feelings based on his actions or gestures. Yet, he’d expressed himself in this thoughtful way twice in one day now.
“I like it,” I said. Sparrow quickly dug into his food again, searching around his plate for red peppers.
We finished eating in silence, then I brought up the topic of the sleeping arrangement. It had been bothering me all day.
“I’d like you to have your room back.”
Sparrow wiped his mouth with his napkin. “No.”
“I won’t be able to sleep knowingyou’resleeping on the floor in a cold room.”
“No,” he repeated, pushing away from the island and grabbing both our plates.
I twisted in my seat as he headed for the sink. “You’re so stubborn. Will you at least sleep in the roomwithme? You can have the bed. I’ll take the couch.”
“No,”he enunciated.
“Fine, thenyousleep on the couch. Otherwise, I’ll be down here checking on you all night.”
I caught the flash of anger before it was gone through his reflection in the window. He met my stare guiltily. He’d been considering locking me inside his room again. I just knew it.
My own anger and fear stirred in my gut. “Don’t—”
“I’ll think about it,” he cut in, turning back to me. He didn’t look upset, but it was clear he didn’t want to talk about it anymore. “And I wouldn’t…” he stopped, starting over in a softer tone. “…I wouldn’t do that to you again.”
“Okay,” I whispered, searching his gaze for deceit. I didn’t find any. Over his shoulder, snow began to fall outside.
“It’s snowing again,” I said in disbelief. There was still so much of it outside. How much more could we take before we were swallowed up by it?
“We’re supposed to get up to half a foot,” Sparrow said. The dim lights flickered overhead, reminding me of the dire situation we were in.
“I suppose there’s still no signal,” I breathed.
“No, there isn’t.”
“Then how do you know how much snow we’re getting?”
“I just do.” He turned back to the sink, busying himself with cleaning up, transferring the leftovers to containers before washing the pots too. I watched him work for a while, thinking. I sat there until doing so felt silly, until I was sure he could read the thoughts floating around in my head. The scary thoughts, the ones I couldn’t say out loud.
