Page 85 of Saving Sparrow
Chaos spun like a hurricane in his gaze. I’d take that over the vacant stare, even if my heart thundered as a result.
“I get it. You were supposed to protect him. Well,Iwas supposed to protect him, too. And so was Quentin. I don’t know why you were gone for all those years, or why Joshua was gone, or whoever else. I don’t know why he was left alone. All I know is what I researched, but the information is so conflicting. One theory debunks another, and then there’s the ‘no two systems are exactly the same’ part. Every time I think I have a handle on what could have happened, I’m proven wrong.Please.Tell me.” We both stood there, staring eachother down.
Several minutes passed, and the throbbing headache I’d had upstairs started creeping its way in again.“Please,”I begged, beyond being too proud to do it. I shivered, remembering I’d forgotten a sweater again. Sparrow noticed.
He got a fire started, then gestured to one of the upholstered wingback chairs near it.
“I’ll stand,” I said, less than a dozen feet away from him and the fire. He hadn’t taken a seat, and I wanted to be on even ground with him.
Sparrow kept his body angled my way, but stared into the growing flames, providing me a perfect side view of his beautiful face. His voice sounded distant when he finally spoke, like he was gazing beyond the flames into the past.
“My mother and father wanted more kids. God’s chosen people were supposed to be fruitful, replenish the earth, and start a new civilization to replace the soiled-seeds after the reckoning.”
I assumed the “soiled-seeds” were the non-believers, and that “the reckoning” was when God came to claim the earth again. I didn’t want to interrupt him for confirmation.
“As God’s chosen singular disciple, my father was supposed to set an example. Their failure to have more children threatened the stability of the community they’d built. As part of setting the perfect example, Elliott, the son of the chosen disciple, was held to a higher standard than God’s other chosen children. He didn’t get to play or sleep in or skip his Bible studies if he didn’t feel well. He was constantly observed and judged from birth. He was raised to lead one day.”
My legs trembled. I’d spent the last few weeks mostly bedridden, and they weren’t used to having to hold me up for so long. I moved closer to the chair Sparrow had offered, holding on to the back of it. Sparrow’s eyes narrowed on the way I clung to the chair for support, but he made no comment.
“Elliott started showing the signs early on.”
“The signs?” I couldn’t help asking.
“My mother caught him wearing her chosen garb once. A simple, drab dress that all the chosen women wore. They concluded he needed to be around her less and spend more time around boys his own age. It didn’thelp that he didn’t look traditionally male. My father began shaving his hair off after that.”
I thought back to something Elliott had said once about his parents cutting his hair.
“They wanted me to be a boy.”
“Homosexuality was one of the greatest sins,” Sparrow went on. “It went against the purpose of God’s Chosen. They allowed Elliott one friend. A boy named—”
“Gideon,” I whispered, gripping the chair tighter.
“It wasn’t a typical friendship. How could it be when they were so closely watched? Still, it was more than Elliott had ever had. Meanwhile, my mother still struggled to get pregnant again.” Sparrow turned back to the fire. “Believing they were being tested, they prayed harder, became more vigilant in their beliefs, more vigilant in keeping Elliott far away from sin. The beatings and periods of isolation started shortly after that. I arrived and took on the worst of it.”
My heart broke for both of them, and now the chair was the only thing keeping me from closing the distance and wrapping my arms around Sparrow. I wanted to whisper that I was sorry, but knew he’d see it as pity. I wanted to reach inside of him, to wherever he kept Elliott safe, and tell my husband how much he didn’t deserve what happened to him, how much I loved him. I should’ve told him more often when I had the chance.
Was it a coincidence that his parents wanted more children, and then Sparrow came to him as his brother? “How old are you?”
“Older.” It was clear that was all he’d give me.
“You’re the sibling he never had, the person who would understand him most, the stronger, older, protector.”
Sparrow didn’t answer. He didn’t need to.
Another realization popped into my head, and I sucked in a sharp breath. “Joshua’s your brother too, isn’t he?”
“Yes, he came later on.”
I turned to the window, picturing the snowy landscape beyond the bars. Joshua’s voice rang out in my head.
“I’m supposed to play in the snow.”
“W-what happened next?” I asked, unsure how much more I could handle. But for Elliott, I’d take on anything, bear any amount of pain.
Sparrow’s mouth parted, but no words came out, as though he couldn’t find them. He locked his gaze on the fire, and I was grateful for it. I didn’t want him to see me breaking apart.
“He and Gideon trauma bonded. They’d often whisper their plans to run away…”
