Page 46 of Saving Sparrow
He ignored me, mimicking the sound of the sirens now, drowning out the soft lullaby. I couldn’t think of anything else to say. I was too tired and sad to think straight. But not wanting to leave him alone, I found a police car in the toy box and moved it along the carpet too.
His hair was braided like Sparrow’s, but not as tight and neat, like maybe he’d bounced around playing and messed it up a bit. It was hardseeing Elliott as Sparrow, but even harder seeing him like this. From what I’d researched, each alter served a purpose, and I had a feeling Joshua’s purpose might’ve been just as heartbreaking as Sparrow’s.
“I’m four,” Joshua whispered, breaking through my thoughts.
“Four,” I breathed, wondering how long he’d been four, how long he’d been in stasis. “Why are you here?”Why does Elliott need you?
“Because I’m safe in here.”
“Safe from what?” I hadn’t expected him to answer that, hadn’t expected him to comprehend the deeper meaning. Maybe he hadn’t.
Joshua shrugged. Aside from when he asked me to fix his truck, he hadn’t met my gaze. I let him play as I watched on, amazed by his childlike mannerisms.
He pouted when a strand of hair fell across his face, then gasped when his action figure fell from the truck. Joshua rushed to the toy box for the first-aid kit, using the plastic stethoscope to check the superhero for a heartbeat. Seeming satisfied with what he found, he put the action figure back in the truck and continued to play.
I didn’t know how much time we had left, and I got nervous wondering if I should leave. Did I lock him back in, pretending this never happened so I’d have the opportunity to break out again? Or did I stay and keep him company, keep him safe?
Safe from what I didn’t know. Of the two of us, I seemed to be the only one afraid. I couldn’t help wanting to nurture him, though, to tell him everything would be okay.
“Can you tell me where your parents are? Maybe I can call them, so you don’t have to be here alone.”
Joshua turned off the siren and stared down at the toy but didn’t seem to belookingat it.
“Joshua?” I called softly. “Are you okay?” I wasn’t sure what a switch looked like, but my body went cold at the thought of Sparrow catching me here.
“They’re in the basement,” he whispered, still not looking at me. “I don’t like it down there.”
“You’ve been down there?”
He nodded. “One time. I said sorry. Now I stay here.”
“Do your parents know you went down there?” I didn’t know what to ask, didn’t know how much he knew, and I didn’t want to scare him away. This was all new to me. It felt like I was taking a test and failing miserably.
Joshua reached for the truck again, as though he were done talking to me. I held it in place.
We both knelt there, suspended in time as he watched the truck, and I watched him. “Can you show me the basement?”
Joshua shook his head, his braid whipping around from the force of it. “We can’t go down there.”
“I won’t let anything happen to you. I promise,” I said, trying to calm him.
“I’m not scared!” he exclaimed, finally meeting my eyes. His expression said otherwise.
“I know.” I swallowed. “I know you’re not.I’mthe one who’s scared. Maybe you can protect me?”
He fidgeted with the hem of his shirt, looking to the open door. “Why can’t we stay here? We can play with my toys.”
“We don’t have to go down there. You can just show me where it is, and then we can come right back.”
Joshua thought about it for a moment, shifting on his knees. “Will you let me play in the snow? I’m supposed to play in the snow.”
A memory of something Elliott once said came to me.
“I never got to play in the snow.”
Joshua leapt to his feet and raced to the window. “Wow! Look! Miguel, look! There’s a lot of snow now. Maybe we should wait until it’s bright outside.”
I hobbled over to him, my point of view different from his. All I saw was no escape, seclusion, and darkness that matched the one filling my soul. “I don’t think it’ll be bright any time soon.” I wasn’t sure how long the polar night lasted in this area, but I had a feeling it would be a while.
