Page 44 of Saving Sparrow
He was cute with his glasses on. Predictable, safe, and cute. He was the same with them off, but… maybe more mature too. More capable-looking, whatever that meant. He also looked more vulnerable, his large eyes no longer hidden by his frames.
Miguel tilted his head, his drowsy smile wavering a little. Could he tell I was a mess inside?
My eyes began to sting when he waved me over, hand still outstretched. He didn’t have to chase me. I’d shown up here on my own, and he still wanted me, was still happy to see me. I hadn’t imagined it all.
I crept over to the gigantic bed, toeing off my shoes before placing a knee on the soft mattress. I crawled toward his outstretched hand, letting him pull me into the space between him and Quentin. We lay on our sides, staring at each other for a while. I opened my mouth to speak but then glanced over my shoulder at Quentin.
“He’s like a kid,” Miguel whispered. “Sleeps straight through the night if you tire him out enough.” He wore a tank top, and a small bruise peeked from under one of the shoulder straps. Noticing the direction of my gaze, he said, “Quentin was right, he always wins.”
“Your entry code spells love,” I whispered. Seemed like a silly thing to start with, but it also felt right.
“Yeah.” He tucked his hands under his cheek. “It’s stupid.”
“It’s not,” I disagreed. It was so like him. “I couldn’t sleep.”
“I’m glad you came,” he said, not putting any pressure on me by asking why not. I appreciated that, and my eyes got teary again. It also made me want to give him a reason, made me want to give him something.
“I used to want to be a fireman. When I was a kid.”
Miguel’s eyes widened. Maybe he thought I wouldn’t have made a good fireman, or maybe he couldn’t believe I’d shared that with him. The second option felt right.
“Why a fireman?”
I shrugged, tucking my hands under my cheek too. “It seemed like something a boy would want to do. Plus, I love the color of fire. It’s notjust blue or yellow or red or orange and white… It’s all of those things. It’s complicated.”Like me.
Miguel smiled as though I’d fulfilled a dying wish by letting him in. “I bet you’d be a great fireman.”
“I would not.” I snorted, and he chuckled, both of us looking over at Quentin now.
“You’re nice. You’d make a great dad.” I wasn’t sure what had made me say that. Maybe because I would’ve loved it if my father had thought I’d be great at something.
“Quentin says that all the time. I never knew my father, and Dylan isn’t the best example of a good dad.”
“What about your mom?”
Miguel’s eyes grew misty. “She was the best.”
“Just like you,” I whispered. “I…” Closing my eyes, I breathed past the feeling in my stomach before trying again. “I…”Tell them nothing.
Through the chaos happening in my head, I didn’t realize Quentin had stopped snoring until he wrapped an arm around my waist, then slid his hand up to rest against my heart as if protecting it. He pulled me into his wide chest.
“I’ve got you.” His steady heartbeat tapped against my back while my bruised heart pounded against his protective hand. It gave me something to focus on.
Miguel watched me, pulling one of my hands from under my cheek to hold it.I’ve got you too,his gaze said, and I got it then. My prayers had been answered. They’d both been sent to protect me. I wouldn’t ruin it. I wouldn’t risk losing it. But I was no longer too afraid to give themsomething.
“I-I miss someone, I think.” It was a feeling I had often, but I didn’t know why. “Feels like I’m grieving without having someone to grieve for.”
“Maybe your parents?” Miguel asked.
“No,” I breathed. “I would never grieve for them.” I closed my eyes to the questions in his. I couldn’t tell him why, no matter how much a part of me wanted to.
“Tell us something else about you?” he asked. “Anything. Please.”
I’d planned on saying no, on ending things right there. But when I opened my eyes, the look on his face crushed me.
“We lived in a religious community when I was a kid. My father worked for one of the elders. We left there and moved to Alaska before my twelfth birthday.” I didn’t explain why we’d moved. I didn’t think I could ever share that with anyone.
“The winters are so long and cold there.” I got lost in the memories I did have of that time, memories of feeling lonely and wishing I could just be a kid, wishing I could go outside and play in the snow.
