Page 196 of Saving Sparrow
Quentin kept his eyes closed, his left hand going for his joystick. Elliott secured it first.
“Look at me.” Elliott sounded desperate. Quentin opened his eyes but kept them downturned. “What happened wasn’t your fault,” Elliott swore. “You tried to stop him from hurting me. You tried to save me.That’swhat matters.”
“I failed. I didn’t protect you. Either of you.”
“We’re here because of you,” Elliott said. “Had that gun not gone off, the neighbors wouldn’t have called the cops, and those men wouldn’t have rushed out of there.”
It was true. They’d likely have had time to organize a way to kill us all after getting everything they wanted. Quentin’s bravery had saved us, even if it took some time for us to circle back to each other. I’d told Elliott all of that before boarding our flight.
“I still failed you. I shouldn’t have gone back to the house. I… I should’ve gotten us the hell out of there the moment the cameras went out.Ishould’ve made sure the alarm was on.” He looked at me. “That was my job. My f-fault.”
“Well, now you have a second chance to help save me,” Elliott said. “I need you, Quentin. I’m not well.” Elliott reached for my hand before adding, “I’m scared.”
Quentin gripped the arms of his chair, some of the man I used to know peering through his worried gaze. “What’s wrong?”
“He didn’t leave us because we couldn’t protect him, Quentin. He didn’t abandon us.” I hadn’t been able to convince him of that before. Quentin’s injuries were worse than mine. The bullet tore through vital organs before reaching his spinal cord. He had to be resuscitated twice on the way to the hospital, spent weeks undergoing surgeries to repair the damage, all while being in an induced coma.
He learned about his paralysis and Elliott’s disappearance on the same day, while I was in my own recovery bed. He’d had to be sedated after that. Not long after, he created the story in his mind that Elliott wanted to be gone, and that Elliott and I were both better off without him.
“I didn’t leave because I wanted to. My mind took me away. I need help.” Elliott touched his head for emphasis. “I should’ve never tried to ignore all that happened to mebefore… I’ve got some tough things to face, a-and I can’t do that without you. Without either of you.”
Quentin dried Elliott’s tears with a trembling hand, and I reached in to dry his. He let me, closing his eyes and exhaling as if to say it had been far too long since he felt my touch. The feel of his skin sent me to my knees next to Elliott. He spread a hand along both our cheeks, and his strength and heartache could be felt through the uncertainty of his touch. “Tell me what happened. What’s wrong?”
Elliott filled him in on his childhood, even adding some parts he hadn’t yet mentioned to me. Parts I’d already gotten from Sparrow. I took over when Elliott’s tears left him unable to continue, providing Quentin with the same context I’d given Elliott. The rest would need to wait.
“Why didn’t you tell us all this before?” Quentin’s tone was a sorrowful plea for understanding.
“Because… Because I didn’t think you’d love me if you knew.”
“Why wouldn’t we?”
Elliott looked adrift. “Because I didn’t love myself.”
Quentin’s chair shook with the force of his regret and pain as he held Elliott’s hand to his lips. “I’m so sorry,” he wept. “I’m so sorry.”
We thought he was apologizing for all Elliott had gone through, and maybe he was, but he was also apologizing for not being willing to leave with us. “I can’t help you.” His bottom lip quivered as it brushed over Elliott’s knuckles. “I’m too broken.”
“We’re all broken,” I breathed, my heart tearing in two. “Can’t you see that?”
Quentin took in what he could see of me from my knelt position. I was just as haggard as he was and hadn’t gained all my weight back. I had scars that weren’t there before, and the small patch of hair Sparrow pulled out had grown back thin.
“None of us is in fighting shape, but we made vows to love each other through good and bad. Please don’t break them. We’re no good when we’re not together.” How had I survived so long without him? I let myself experience the true effect of his absence. I opened the compartment I’d been keeping that particular heartbreak in, sagging as I gazed up at him.
“Come home,” Elliott begged. “Fight with us, fightforus.”
Quentin seemed torn, blinking up at the ceiling and biting his lip. Then he stared deep into Elliott’s eyes, tracing the bruises beneath them. “You look tired and sad. I don’t like when you’re sad.”
Elliott kissed the center of Quentin’s palm. “Then make me happy. Say you’ll come home.”
Quentin glanced at me, almost like he was embarrassed. “How can you stand looking at me? How can you not hate me for pushing you away?”
“I couldneverhate you,” I swore. “You thought you lost the one ability that made you useful to us, but it was never your physical strength we fell in love with, Q. It was always your heart, and that still beats stronger than ever.” I placed a hand over his heart, bringing one of his to mine. “Please show yourself some grace and let us do the rest.”
He shuddered. “H-how do we fix us when we’ve lost so fucking much?”
“We’ve lost nothing of importance, not when everything we need is right here.” The truth of that hit me hard in the chest. We could rebuild, we could become whole again, so long as we had what mattered. “It’s just us here,” I reminded him. “Nothing else matters, and we can get through anything together.” Elliott and I looked at each other, and I hoped my gaze reflected the optimism I saw in his.
“What kind of life will we have?” Quentin peered down at his legs. “I’ll never walk again.” He gazed at Elliott. “I’ll never run in the grass with you again or carry you in my arms.”
