Page 150 of Saving Sparrow
“I sleep wherever you sleep.” I stayed close to the door as well, letting him know I’d follow if he planned on leaving me here.
He stared me down, and I crossed my arms, staring right back. He sighed in resignation. “I’ll have to get a spare blanket for the couch.”
“You could take the quilt down from the window,” I suggested, “or… you could sleep in the bed with me.” We’d slept together enough now that this shouldn’t have been awkward, but it was. It felt like we were moving on to something different.
“I’ll take the quilt down after I start the fire.”
“Okay. You still have a ton of clothes in the closet,” I said, making it clear I didn’t want him to leave, not even to get ready for bed. “I’ll shower and change first, then you can use the bathroom.”
“Alright,” he whispered.
Sparrow slipped into the bathroom once I was done. He’d packed the hearth with firewood, ensuring it would burn all night. He’d spread the patchwork quilt over the couch, leaving the starry night sky visible to me once again. I set one of my pillows on top of the quilt before sliding into bed.
I sat up when Sparrow came out of the bathroom. We watched each other, mouths slightly parted as if neither of us knew what to say. “Good night,” I ended up going with.
“Good night.” Sparrow settled onto the couch, the back hiding him from me. If I sat up straight enough, I could make out the top of his head.
I lay back down, pulling the blanket to my chest, staring at the ceiling for a long while. I tossed and turned in between, punching my pillow into submission before ending up on my back again, releasing a long exhale.
“Sparrow?” I whispered.
“Yeah?”
“Are you awake?”
He chuckled quietly. “Yes.”
“Wanna talk some more?”
He pushed up, twisting to face me. “Yes.” He sounded scared. I knew because his voice shook on the word the way mine did when asking the question. Still, I pulled the covers back on the other side of the bed, patting the spot next to me. Sparrow uncurled his fingers from the back of the couch and came over.
We sat facing each other, the firelight casting shadows over the room as the stars twinkled outside, and the snowfall swirled around in the wind.
“What do you want to talk about?” I asked.
“Anything.” His gaze dipped to my hands, silently demanding I touch him. I cupped his cheeks the way he loved, brushing my thumbs over his cheekbones. Sparrow nuzzled into my touch as he sank his fingers intomy overgrown hair. He closed his eyes, and I closed mine too. He was staring at me when I opened them, staringintome.
We leaned forward at the same time, bringing our foreheads together. I rubbed the tip of his nose with mine, our loud breaths fanning over each other’s lips. We stayed like that for a while, touching each other and breathing each other in, sinking into each other.
Sparrow straightened first, wearing a small smile. We hadn’t really done anything, yet I could tell it meant a lot to him. Probably because it was the most intimate touch he’d ever had. It meant everything to me, too, though, because it was more than I’d experienced in what seemed like forever.
“I want to hear more about the three of you.” He held my hands. “Was everything always good? Or have you been skipping over all the bad stuff?”
There’d been a time when I was scared to tell him anything bad, scared he’d punish me for it. Now, I wanted to share everything with him.
“No, things weren’t always good. We hit a rough patch at the start of freshman year.”
“What happened?”
I chuckled without humor, staring down at our locked hands. “Elliott made a friend. Two of them.”
“That must have been hard for you and Quentin.” He said it as if he knew us, knew the heart of who we were to each other and why. Most importantly, he said it like he understood me and didn’t judge me for it. It made me feel happy and seen, but it also made me feel sad and guilty. So fucking guilty. My emotions were having their way with me, burying me alive.
“It was excruciating,” I breathed. “Quentin couldn’t understand why we weren’t enough for him, and I didn’twantto understand, even though I did. We were… unrecognizable for a while.”
“Did he not love you both anymore?”
“He did. He loved us so much. But he wanted more, and that scared us.”
