Page 72 of Only the Small Bones
“Then is it because of what happened earlier at The Daisy?” My mind was taking longer than usual to switch gears. How had we gotten here? “Because you’ve got nothing to prove, Ryan.” I slid my hands along his neck, and he batted them away.
Ryan:I’m not trying to prove anything. I’m ready.
He’d been ready to go out tonight too, and look how that ended. This all felt rushed, every decision he’d made today held an edge of panic.
I got to my feet, backing away as my own fear and stubbornness reared its head. “I don’t believe you.”
Ryan shot up, storming over to me as he typed, shoving the device in my face when he was done.
Ryan:Why won’t you believe me? If you don’t want me, just say it!
“Because the last time you had something to prove, you left me the next day!” My lungs burned with every breath. “If we do this, when will I lose you this time? I can’t risk it.”
The tightness in his jaw faded, and his hand dropped to his side. A small smile filled with regret formed on his lips.
Ryan:This is different. Trust me.
“Why?” I breathed. “Why now? Why me?”
Ryan:Because it has to be now, and it has to be you.
His words were bold, full of conviction, but his chest rose and fell with shallow breaths. I shuffled back, creating more distance, because being this close to him made me want to take what he offered, made me willing to take a gamble on things turning out fine. There was also the matter of going further with him before bringing what hid between us to the surface. Doing so would make me a monster, or rather, more of a monster than I already was.
You have to tell him!
I turned away from him, unable to look him in the eye, struggling with what to do. Not wanting to do what I should have done long ago.
You have to tell him!
I stiffened when Ryan’s lips met my back. He started from the top, kissing along my tattoo until he’d gotten to the bottom of it. I let my head fall, taking in his affection like the selfish man I was.
He wrapped his arms around me, holding his phone up so I could read the lit screen.
Ryan:Please.
You have to tell him!
“Tomorrow,” I found myself whispering, unsure if it was in response to his plea, or the order being shouted in my head.
William
The snowstorm raged outside, turning the view beyond the wall of windows white. From this high up, the howl of the wind was near deafening.
I increased the volume of the music playing throughout the apartment, but not enough to lose the ambient feel. The fingers of my right hand curved around a phantom bow when the sonata evoked a need to partake. The low whine of the violin closely mimicked a songbird’s cry.
A text notification appeared at the top of my screen. With a sudden rush of adrenaline, I swiped out of the playlist to check Ryan’s message.
Ryan:Almost there.
With the weather making it near impossible to drive in, I’d canceled our plans for tonight. Ryan had accepted the cancellation too easily. That should’ve been my first clue he was up to something. It usually took a lot of reasoning to get him to agree to anything.
An hour later I’d received another message from him stating I could remain safe in my glass tower, because he’d be catching a ride into the city with Peggy. She had to pass by here to get home. Sarcasm and determination aside, he’d been checking in periodically to let me know they were safe and that he’d be here soon. Lucky for me, I’d already gotten everything I needed for the night before the weather turned.
Maybe I should’ve let him stay over last night, but I didn’t trust myself not to be swayed by him. I’d been in a vulnerable state, and Ryan could be very persuasive when he wanted something. We needed a night apart. We needed time to think.
He also had a session with Dr. Shwartz this morning that I didn’t want him to miss. I’d hoped he’d run our plans for tonight by her, and that she could help him gain clarity on whether or not now was the right time.
Today also marked the start of “truth” week. Had he shared with her everything he’d previously withheld? Or did he plan to spread it out over the course of several days? Maybe he’d changed his mind altogether.
