Page 68 of Only the Small Bones
With the exception of coming to my apartment, Ryan didn’t venture outside of Safe Haven’s walls. And he never got here by public transportation or even car service. I picked him up and dropped him off—with the exception of the one-time Peggy brought him here.
Sure, we used to run outside all the time, but at an ungodly hour where it felt like the streets were ours. He’d made great progress, but the last time we went out in public it didn’t end well. The scene from the gala flashed through my mind. The idea of taking him into the New York City nightlife triggered my protective instincts. “We haven’t finished with the tree, and we should give this more thought instead of acting on impulse.”
Ryan:It’s called being spontaneous. We have to go now.
“Why now, Ryan?” I cupped his shoulders. “What’s going on?”
He shrugged out of my hold, pacing over to the window. He peered out into the snowfall for a moment before replying.
My phone chimed, and he then tapped furiously at his screen while I watched. By the time I took my eyes off him to look down at my phone, his message had been edited. In his mad dash to erase whatever he’d decided he didn’t want me to see, he’d missed deleting one word completely. It was missing the ending vowel, but it didn’t matter.
Ryan:I want to experience things befor
“Before what?”
He didn’t look at me or type a response. A blush crept along his cheek, though. He’d either meant to erase it all, or at least the very end of his message.Before it’s too late, I told myself, because nothing else seemed to fit. But too late for what?
I sighed, shoving my hands into my pockets and stepping up beside him. A few inches of snow had accumulated on the ground. “What aren’t you telling me?” I whispered, acknowledging the hypocrisy in my question. I didn’t want to guess because every scenario that came to mind caused me pain.
Ryan blocked my view, coming to stand in front of me. He rested a palm on my cheek, his gaze begging me to trust him. He held up his phone, an unsent message waiting for me to read.
Ryan:I’m ready to do this.
“What if it’s too much for you to handle? It’s dark out. Let’s at least wait until day time.”
Ryan placed a kiss on my lips, a kiss so soft and light I’d only felt it because I’d seen it happen.
He cleared the message field and typed a reply to that, holding it up to me.
Ryan:Don’t be afraid for me. I’m afraid enough for myself. I can do this, and so can you.
I grunted, tugging on a curl that sprung from his bun. “You’re so strong. I wished I’d been as strong as you.”
Ryan frowned at my wording of the last part, but didn’t ask for its meaning. I was glad, because I think I would have told him, and I wasn’t ready to tonight.
“I know just the place.”
His dimples deepened with his gorgeous smile. I often joked that he’d give me a heart attack one day, but as I read the new message he typed, I realizedthistime it was a real possibility.
Ryan:Good. And I want to ride the subway there.
We survived the subway ride into the East Village. I’d huddled Ryan into a corner on the bustling car, guarding him with my life, instructing him to focus on me and not the boisterous group of teens near us. Three train stops and about a hundred deep breaths later, we emerged from below ground.
Ryan’s gaze flew everywhere. To the carolers on the corner, and the bells they rang. To the competing busker down the street playing the harmonica for spare change. The Christmas motifs strung from one light post to another seemed to overstimulate him too.
He’d never roamed the streets freely before. The last time he had, he’d been taken. So while there was obvious excitement mixed in with his apprehension, I had to do what I could to help him manage the terror.
Gripping his chin between my gloved fingers, I brought his wild gaze around to me.
I’d kept our destination a mystery, and I suddenly realized it was a bad idea. Knowing precisely where we were going and what we’d be doing would go a long way toward easing some of his anxiety.
“You breathe, I talk,” I said, and he nodded, snowflakes settling onto his lashes.
“I’m taking you to a local bar called The Daisy. It’s right down the street.” I pointed in the bar’s direction. “It’s pretty popular, and there are a few locations throughout the city. I hear this one’s the best, though. It’s also the smallest. More intimate,lesspeople.”
Maybe I should have taken him to see a movie instead. An obscure foreign film no one else wanted to see. We’d have had the whole theater to ourselves. But I ignored that thought. I brought him here because I knew once he found out why, he’d be just as excited as he was afraid.
A few drunken college kids sporting NYU sweatshirts stumbled out of the bar we stood in front of, giggling and holding each other up. Ryan startled, but kept his gaze on me.
