Page 61 of Only the Small Bones
Ryan loosened the string and tore through the paper. He read through each title, his eyes widening as he went. Some were from my personal library. Books I knew he loved. A few were new.
One title in particular caught his attention more than the others. He returned to the table with it, holding it up to me while angling his head in question.
“His Eternal Love,” I whispered. He’d already read the synopsis, so I didn’t bother explaining the storyline. I didn’t think he was asking me to anyway. “I thought it might be helpful to read about two men falling in love under the harshest of circumstances. How love could heal old wounds. I thoughtmaybe you’d never seen love. This might help you comprehend how it could be. It’s a true story.” I wasn’t an expert on love. I actively avoided it. But I’d been out in the world long enough to understand how it should work when it’s good.
“You don’t have to read it if you don’t want to.” I shook my head. I was being ridiculous. Why would he need me to expose him to literature about love? What made me qualified to determine whether or notthisbook was the best learning tool on the subject? All I had to go off was how it made me feel when I finished reading it last night.
I leaned over the table to take it from him, but he yanked it out of reach. He went back to the counter, adding it to the pile before texting me.
Ryan:Thank you. I’ll read it first.
I smiled, setting my phone down. “I heard the TV adaptation is even better. They say it’s… spicier,” I added hesitantly, wondering how cautious I needed to be.
Ryan:Will you watch it with me?
This time I typed my reply, afraid of what my voice would sound like if I spoke.
Me:Yes.
“I should go,” I said when the sound of voices closing in caught my attention. I knew everything about Safe Haven. Knew the policies, the shift changes, and the Sunday brunch menu too. The afternoon cooks would be arriving to prepare for dinner. We’d be in their way.
Ryan’s shoulders slumped, which only made my heart make more room for him.
He walked me out, and we stood under the protection of the eave as the rain pummeled the pavement. The cold air turned his breaths into clouds of smoke, and he rubbed his arms for warmth. I’d told him to get his coat, but he’d refused statingI didn’t have a jacket on either. My coat was still too wet from earlier to wear, which I found odd. My sweater was warm enough to make the short dash to the car, though.
“I’ll text you when I get home,” I said, a bit agitated. I didn’t want him outside in the cold. The thought of him getting sick dredged up painful memories I’d rather not deal with right then. He grabbed me by the arm, stalling my exit.
“Damn it, Ryan. If you get sick—” I stumbled, satchel and coat falling to the ground as he launched himself at me, stealing my breath with a searing hot kiss. I cupped his head, and he guided my palms to his cheeks, holding them there.
He dragged his blunt nails over my scalp. Deep enough to remind me I was alive. For the first time I wished I had long hair, so he could wrap his fingers into it and pull, showing me how much he wanted to hang on to me, how much he wanted to tear me apart.
We pressed our foreheads together when we were through, panting. It was so cold, and his wellbeing superseded my need to kiss him over and over again.
“Put this on.” I fisted the hem of my thick sweater. Ryan stopped me before I tugged it over my head.
Kissing me once more, this time short and sweet, he hurried inside without saying goodbye. I grabbed my dripping coat and satchel off the ground before jogging to my car.
I’d used the key fob to get the engine running when we first stepped outside, so the interior was nice and toasty. Dumping my drenched things onto the rear floorboard, I pulled my now soaked sweater over my head, tugging the t-shirt I wore under it into place.
Flipping the front and back wipers on, I shifted the car into reverse before looking through my rearview camera. I couldn’t move. Couldn’t take my eyes off the spot we’d kissed in.
Maybe I should run back inside to hug and kiss him one more time before announcing I’d be staying for dinner.
I threw the car in park and cursed. I couldn’t stay. And not only for all the reasons I’d mentioned earlier about Safe Haven’s rules and procedures. I had a virtual work meeting scheduled, and I had emails and paperwork to go over.
I’d check my calendar and be intentional about building time in for him, if he wanted that. Spending time with him wasn’t the problem. Neglecting my own life to do so was where I ran into trouble. I’d make more than enough room for him while still fulfilling my other passions, although none were more important to me than Freedom Fighters and Ryan.
Arriving home, I discarded my damp things by the front door, and strode for the living room with the folder in hand. I’d almost cheated and looked inside several times, but in the end, I wanted to keep my word to him.
Leaning a shoulder against the window, I withdrew the sketch he’d done of the two of us. We were wearing the same clothes we’d worn today, and we stood under the eave of the community hall kissing in the rain. He’d sketched this before I even got there. Peggy’s words from earlier reemerged.
“I caught him staring into the rainy parking lot a couple of times.”
She’d thought it was because he was nervous about seeing me, which I believed to be true, but he’d also wanted to make sure the finer details in his sketch were accurate.
“Wear your green sweater.”
He’d planned this. I thought he’d changed his mind about the kiss. Instead, he’d created the most romantic gesture. Ryan had drawn a moment we hadn’t even had yet based on hope and imagination alone.
