“I still can’t believe you’re here.” He made it sound like he held a gift in his hands instead of a broken man. “After everything…” He shook his head. “I’m just in awe of you.” William’s voice was deep and rumbly, but gentle and patient too. It made me excited, nervous, and impatient.
“What now?” My lips still tingled from his kiss. I knew what came next in the past, or rather, what came first, because the others never kissed me. This wouldn’t be like that, though. William would take care of me.
He chuckled. “I love it when you do that.”
“Do what?”
He shrugged. “Say exactly what’s on your mind. You’re the same over text, or when you’re in the mood to kiss me. You don’t ever try to play it cool.”
I never thought about it like that, but now I wondered if it was something I did wrong. He said he loved it, so I decided to believe him.
My hands began to shake a little, and the warmth I’d felt a second ago started to melt away.
“Look at me,” he said, tracing my ear. “Please.”
Swallowing, I lifted my head.
“What are you thinking?”
“Do you think I’m dirty?”
“I would never think that.Never.I think you’re beautiful and brave.” He held my head firm when I tried to lower it again. “Think about where you were, and take a look at where you are now. You’re strong, that’s what you are. You’re the strongest person I know, Asher.”
“Thank you.” I pushed past the lump in my throat.
“Tell me what you need from me. You set the pace tonight.”
I didn’t know what to say, didn’t know what I wanted, because no one had ever cared about my needs before. For as long as I could remember, I’d been owned. With William, I now got to choose. “Slow,” I whispered. “No one’s ever taken their time before.” I squeezed my eyes shut against the memories this time, blocking out images of bruises covering my body.
William leaned in, taking his time kissing both of my cheeks, the tip of my nose, my forehead, and then my lips. Time stood still as he breathed me in, stroking my jaw before pulling back. I sighed, my eyelids fluttering open. “This time will be different,” he promised.
“Do you need a minute to yourself first?”
“Yeah. I think so.”
“Okay. Meet me back here when you’re ready.”
I closed myself inside my bedroom, then headed for the closet mirror. I tried to see what William saw when he looked at me. Tried to see past the basic things I still needed to learn, like how to date without turning the night into a mess of anxiety and insecurity. Or how to talk to people, because even though I’d found my voice for William, I wasn’t sure if I could share it with the rest of the world. There was safety in my silence, a part of me protected from harm.
I hurried to take a quick shower. My second one for the day, but maybe the warm water would help the nervous chill leavemy body. I tied my hair up to keep it from getting wet. I’d straightened it again for William.
A few minutes later I stood in the closet again, wondering if getting dressed was pointless, but I did it anyway. Because maybe William would want to do something romantic like take off my clothes. That’s how it was inHis Eternal Love.And maybe I wanted romance for a change.
William was pacing the end of the hall, and turned at the sound of my footsteps. I smiled, liking the way his eyes sparkled whenever I did.
“Were you waiting for me?”
“Yes,” he confessed, coming in to poke my dimples. “I was.”
I hated being shy around him. I wanted to seem confident, mature. But it was because he seemed so amazed by me, even though I didn’t find anything about myself amazing at all.
“Take a shower with me.”
“Oh, I, uh, already showered.” Was this a rule I didn’t know about? Were we supposed to shower together before sex?
“This isn’t to get you clean, it’s to make you feel treasured.”
“I… I don’t know what that means.” I felt stupid.