Page 67 of Only the Small Bones
Ryan:I decided on more touch. I haven’t touched enough this week.
We’d only seen each other twice this week, so I allowed myself to assume he needed more time with me to reach his goal. My body warmed from the anticipation.
Ryan:My goal for the following week makes me nervous, though.
Me:What is it?
The three dots appeared before vanishing and appearing again. My palms grew sweaty when he finally answered.
Ryan:Truth.
That had been my goal when I resumed therapy, but I seemed to be finding excuses for not obtaining it. I wondered what Ryan’s truth would be, and how it would impact me. Would he be delving deeper into his past with Dr. Shwartz? Would doing so affect his feelings for me? Maybe he’d realize I wasn’t good for him, that being with me would only add to his problems. Perhaps these vision boards weren’t such a good idea after all.
William
I shoved aside the mistletoe dangling from the silly hat Ryan insisted we wore to check my incoming text.
Ryan:Are we dating?
I gripped the top of the ladder to keep from falling off, then glared down at Ryan whose job was to decorate the tree while I hung the star on top. It seemed he’d gotten bored and decided to almost surprise me to death with his question.
“I could’ve fallen and broken my neck, you know.”
Tomorrow was Christmas Eve, one of the hardest days of the year for me. I typically locked myself in my apartment and licked my wounds that day, then I’d somehow manage to find it in me to visit my mother and Safe Haven on Christmas day.
I didn’t want to do that this year, but I also hadn’t planned on decorating my place to rival Macy’s festive window displays. Saying no to Ryan’s request for a tree wasn’t an option, though. I honestly didn’t think he’d want to celebrate either, considering. The pickings were slim on such short notice, but I was able to secure a lopsided runt no one else wanted.
Ryan:Well?
He seemed anxious for a response. He’d been like this all day. Bouts of playfulness mixed in with moments of high intensity. Like when I’d caught him staring into the opened refrigerator as if his mind was millions of miles away. He’d told me it was nothing, but I didn’t believe him.
I was guilty of being preoccupied and pensive too, and I had a feeling we were stressing over the same thing. Not only was tomorrow Christmas Eve, it also marked the start of a new week. The start of his new goal.
“Truth.”
We’d spent the last week relishing in each other’s affection as he got more and more used to being touched by me. But I couldn’t deny feeling like the clock was running down as this new week approached. I’d decided the truth would be my mission as well, no more stalling.
“Do youwantto be dating?” I always went with Ryan’s flow, did things at his speed. We hadn’t officially put a label on our relationship, but I wasn’t seeing anyone else, and every time he mentioned Chef Shawn I wanted to punch something. Hard. Ryan was it for me. That didn’t mean I was it for him, though.
Ryan:Yeah. I think so.
Ryan:Yes.
“Your wish is my command,” I laughed, climbing down. “I thought you’d never ask.” I hauled him in for a kiss, my mistletoe catching him in the eye.
“Ouch,” he mouthed, rubbing his eye and blinking a few times.
“These things are dangerous,” I complained, tossing them both to the floor before dipping him backward for a kiss. I rarely got the opportunity to initiate affection. We’d spent a lot of time together during the week, and there’d hardly been a moment when Ryan’s lips weren’t already on mine, or on their way to mine.
He’d obliterated his touch goal—within reason. Hugs and kisses were safe zones. He’d also taken a nap against my shoulder yesterday afternoon. That was nice. We’d been on the couch watching the rain pour down when he’d wrapped his arms around my bicep and rested his head on me.
I gave him one last kiss before setting him on his feet. He went back to tapping away on his phone.
Ryan:If we’re dating, then we should go on a date.
“Okay,” I said with some hesitancy. “Maybe after the holidays. We can grab breakfast somewhere quiet and cozy.” If he still wanted anything to do with me by then.
Ryan:Tonight. Let’s do dinner.
