Page 53 of Only the Small Bones
Her amber eyes filled with compassion, making me flinch. “I’m speaking on his behalf, William.”
“Oh,” I replied, my feelings hurt. “Did he say why?”
“He wants to stand on his own two feet. And by the look on your face, I think a little time might be good for the both of you.” She gave my forearm a gentle squeeze. “You got him this far. Give him a chance to cross the finish line under his own steam.”
My heart sank, but I knew she had a point. “Sure. I can do that.” I searched for the inner tools I’d need to accomplish the task.
“Can you give this to him for me?” I handed her the small bag I held. “I bought him a phone.” With no longer living together, he couldn’t pass me notes anymore. We would have zero communication outside of me visiting him, and now I couldn’t even do that. I’d planned on spending the afternoon teaching him how to text.
“Sure,” she said, relieving me of it.
“I saved my number in it, but someone will need to show him how to use it.” I didn’t know if he already knew how to work acellphone. I hadn’t thought to ask because he didn’t speak. The chances of him calling me were pretty much non-existent. “Can you have someone teach him how to send a text? In case he wants to reach me. No pressure though.”
“Of course. I’ll show him myself. Depending on the model I may need to enlist Peggy, but we’ll get it done.”
“Thank you.” I made no move to leave.
Katherine squeezed my forearm again. “He’ll be fine, William. I promise. Let us do what we’re here for. Whatyouput us here for.”
I spent the next seven days checking my phone for missed calls or text messages from him. I’d decided not to give up on him calling. If he was working on himself, that meant he might’ve been working on finding his voice too. There were never any messages or calls from his number.
It’d been ten days without Ryan. Did he not miss me? Need me?Wantme?
Sick of my own wallowing, I carried my weary body to the music studio. Maybe work would shake me out of the funk I was in.
But as I entered the code to the door, I remembered I didn’t have anything to work on. I’d canceled everything I had lined up, and turned down all incoming offers against the advice of my agent and manager.
I pushed into the live room with plans to play the piano for a while, since I had yet to replace the violin I’d given Ryan.
His violin.It perched on its stand. He hadn’t taken it with him. A folded note was stuck between the strings. I’d never been so excited and so scared to read something in all my life.
I plucked it from the violin, unfolding it with trepidation.
I can’t let you change my mind. I want to be fixed. Hold this for me.
It all made sense now. Why he’d been packed and ready when I woke up. Why he’d waited by the door while I got dressed, and why he hurried from the car once we got to Safe Haven. He couldn’t risk me changing his mind. He knew I could if I’d wanted to, and I did want to.
“He’ll be back,” I whispered to the instrument. “He’ll be back for you.”And maybe for me too.
I moved over to the piano bench, needing to sit down before my legs gave out. I grew weaker and weaker by the day. His words should have bolstered me, given me hope, but they didn’t shake the blue mood I’d been sinking further and further into. I’d hit a wall. I needed help.
If Ryan was strong enough to get help, then so would I. But first I needed something else. I neededsomeoneelse.
Slipping my phone from my pocket, I dialed the most important person to me. She answered on the first ring.
“Dr. Mayes speaking, how may I help you?”
I smiled at hearing her comforting voice. The voice that both lifted me up in love and prayer, and firmly put me in line when needed. She didn’t typically answer her office phone, not unless her receptionist wasn’t around. She must be on her own today.
I inhaled a deep breath, trying and failing to sound strong when I answered her question. “It’s me. Momma, I need you.”
William
My mother took one look into my bloodshot eyes and pulled me in for a hug. She then gave me something for the headache I couldn’t hide before tucking me in and humming me to sleep. Her voice, her love, and the light strokes over my hair were better than any pill I could’ve taken to shake the insomnia.
Night had descended by the time I woke up, and the apartment was clean. I hadn’t taken out the trash since Ryan left, or cleaned up the mess I’d made while searching for my book. And even though she didn’t bring it up, I knew she had questions about the state of the dining room. I felt terrible that she’d witnessed the aftermath of me and Ryan losing our cool.
“When’s the last time you ate?” she asked as I shuffled into the kitchen.
