Page 52 of Only the Small Bones
Davidson:I’m glad to hear it. Safe Haven will be good for him.
I couldn’t find it in me right then to agree. At least he hadn’t outright made it about his investigation.
Davidson:How are you holding up?
Me:That’s to be seen.
I didn’t bother reading his follow up text. I wasn’t in the mood to be cheered up, or to share my feelings on the matter. I exhaled as I entered the library.
I hadn’t read my favorite book in weeks. Months even. I hadn’t needed to. I had Ryan. The book wasn’t on the shelf dedicated to it. The one that didn’t get much sunlight, sandwiched between two dense textbooks no one cared about. The spot I’d kept it hidden in just for me.
I dragged my fingers along the spines of every book on the shelf, and the one above and below it, reading each title I passed. Maybe I’d put it back in the wrong place. No such luck.
Rushing over to my desk, I flipped through the piles of paper there, then ransacked each drawer in search of it. I came up empty. I charged for my bedroom next. I’d started reading at night again, maybe it sat in my nightstand or closet. I dug around, but the book wasn’t in any of those places.
I strode down the hall, at a loss for where the hell it could be. As though the book summoned me, I paused near Ryan’s bedroom door. I checked his closet, upending the dresser drawers. I looked under his bed, tossing his slippers and shoes out of the way. I even searched the cabinet below his bathroom sink, dumping the contents onto the floor. Nothing.
Feeling weary, I fell onto his made bed, bringing one of his pillows to my nose and inhaling. My lungs filled with his scent, making me miss him even more. I’d been about to toss the pillow down and leave, but I did a double take at finding the book resting in its place.
I took my time flipping through its pages, looking for dog-eared corners or highlighted passages. Anything to indicate what he thought about it, or if anything resonated with him. Mostly I wanted to know if he realized how much the story meant to me. And if he understood why.
I grew restless, hopeless, and scared. Signs of an oncoming episode. I curled onto my side, gripping the book to my chest. For the next three days, I allowed the voices to have their way with me.
Peace. I wanted peace more than anything else. My mother once told me true peace could only be gained through devotion to living a life of honesty. Living a lie was a soul-crushing job, but the harder I fell for Ryan, the harder it became to tell him the truth.
I returned to Safe Haven on the third day. Dusting the snow off my coat, I looked around the busy community hall for Ryan. Some of the residents were chatting by the fireplace, others were engaged in conversation on the couch. None of them were Ryan.
Upon seeing me, Peggy shot up from her desk, her short legs carrying her over to me. “Mr. Mayes,” she greeted. “How are you?”
“I’m fine.”I’ll be even better once I see Ryan. “I’m here to see Ryan. Is he available?”
“Ah, no, he’s in a therapy session with Dr. Shwartz right now.”
“Okay. Can you let him know I’m here once he’s free?” I walked over to the sitting area, not realizing Peggy had followed me until I sat down. I raised a brow at her. “Is something wrong?”
“He has literacy tutoring right after. He seems to love it and won’t want to miss it.”
“Will he have a few minutes to talk in between?”
She cleared her throat. “I hate to be the one to tell you this… Oh! Here’s Dr. Shwartz now. I’ll let you two speak.” She walked away before I could get another word out.
“Katherine,” I greeted, standing for a hug. I’d hand-picked her to run the therapy clinic myself after having worked with her on the Freedom Fighters charity circuit. She’d known about Safe Haven since its inception. She’d been a champion of my purpose from the moment we met.
“William, how’s everything?” She pulled back to gaze up at me. Between her sharp eyes and medical experience, it’d be useless to pretend with her.
“I’ve been better. I’m here to see Ryan. Is he okay?” Peggy’s odd behavior left me worried.
“He’s fine, all things considered. He’s an amazing young man. Very resilient.”
“Has he spoken to you?” The idea bothered me more than it should have. I selfishly wanted to be the one to hear his first words.
“No, but we’ve found other ways to communicate. He’s open to getting help, and I’m sure we have you to thank for that.” The compliment was sweet but I knew the signs of being built up to be let down.
“What’s going on, Katherine?”
“I think it’s best if you wait until Ryan reaches out to you before visiting him.”
“Youthink it’s best? With all due respect, shouldn’t he be making that decision himself?”
