Page 27 of The Caretaker
“These came in handy.” He held up the strips of torn sheets I’d given him yesterday with the suggestion to tie them around tree trunks and branches as he went. “Thanks.”
“Glad I could help,” I said with a grin as I rehung our coats. The storm ended days ago, and almost all traces of it had melted under the now abnormally warmer temperatures. Noon hadn’t gone home, and neither of us had pointed it out.
He tried to smile for my benefit, always for my benefit, but I knew him by now. Enough to know when his smiles were real or faked. They were always insincere after his walks. His bad moods returned with him.
I wished he didn’t try so hard to appear better for me, but that was how he operated, I was beginning to learn. It wasn’t that he didn’t let me witness his pain, but he’d express it and then shake it off just as fast, as though he thought that only oneof us could break down at a time, and that pleasure often fell upon me.
I couldn’t fight it, couldn’t insist I’d be okay for a while if he wanted a break from being strong. I was too damaged to pretend otherwise, even for a brief moment. But I tried to help him in any way I could.
“You need to break something,” I said. “Staring at nothing doesn’t work for you, not like it does for me. You need an outlet for your emotions.”
“I’ll be fine. The walks help.”
“Is that why you were snarling to yourself and kicking up dead grass on the way to the porch?”
He dropped onto the couch in the same suit he’d arrived in. He needed more things, but he’d have to leave to get them, and I was scared that if he left he wouldn’t come back.
“I’m not going to break anything, Solace.”
“Okay.” I shrugged. “Then we’ll settle for burning it.”
Noon raised a brow as I headed for the staircase, my steps purposeful. I returned with a handful of Patrick’s things, striding for the kitchen and then through the patio door. I dumped the expensive suits into the large fire pit, making several more trips through the house until every article of clothing he owned filled it.
“How can I help?” Noon eventually said. I hid my smirk and told him to start with the awards and framed degrees in Patrick’s office. He snapped the trophies in half before tossing them in.
“I guess you’re breaking something after all,” I said, passing him the guitar signed by every member of Patrick’s favorite band. It was worth a lot. Noon cracked it over his knee before adding it to the raging flames. As items burned, creating more space, we added more, until the only thing that remained of my lying, cheating husband were the memories lingering in thehouse. I thought about razing that to the ground too, but Noon talked me out of it.
“Thank you,” he said later on as we sat by the fire pit sharing a drink. He opted for beer, and I returned to my usual: red wine. “I needed that.”
“Was the exhilaration only temporary for you too?”
“Yeah,” he admitted. “But just because our problems were waiting to greet us once the high wore off, doesn’t mean that it wasn’t needed. I no longer feel like I’m about to explode.”
The destruction of Patrick’s things had only been a fleeting distraction. Now that the rush was gone, we were back to the truth, back to figuring out how to pick up the pieces of our shattered lives.
“What’s that?” Noon asked, looking over at the photobooth picture I held of my brother and Gavin. I handed it to him.
“It fell from the pocket of one of Patrick’s suits.”
“Were they close?”
“Thick as thieves, even though their relationship was mostly long distance. My brother took his role as uncle seriously. My son got his love of music from him. Specifically his love of Eric Clapton. Greatest guitarist to ever live, Gav would say. He gifted Gavin his much-loved and worshiped signed copy of theUnpluggedvinyl album one Christmas. I’d never seen my kid so happy.”
“That’s the album he’s holding in the photo on the mantel,” Noon said.
“Yeah. Weirdly, his favorite song was ‘Tears in Heaven.’ Patrick thought it was morbid that he loved that song so much. I thought it was cute when he’d promise to never forget my name, not even in heaven.” I rubbed at the ache in my chest. “Hell, maybe I was the morbid one.”
Noon handed back the creased photo, and I grazed a finger over Gavin’s goofy smile. “I loved that they had something that was just theirs.”
“Did you and Gavin have something that belonged to just the two of you?”
“Photography.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah. I knew my way around a camera from being in front of one for so many years, and it was the only other thing Gavin had taken an interest in other than music. We’d go off into the woods and take nature shots. We took a class together the summer he…” I swallowed, then decided I didn’t need to say the words for Noon to hear them. He’d become good at picking up on my thoughts. “It was mostly something for us to do since he couldn’t attend day camp like other kids. I didn’t want him out of my sight. Ironic, considering that’s how I lost him. Anyway, I didn’t think I’d gain much from the class, but it sharpened the skills I’d picked up from doing photo shoots.”
“My friend Leland is an artist. Because of him, I have an appreciation for it. Whether it’s paint on canvas, photos of beautiful landscapes… I love it all.”
